Welcome to Santa Cruz

RUNAWAY TRIP TO ORGASM

2008-03-21T11:02:00.000+08:00

Episode 1:

I met “Barri”, a 25 year old marketing department member, for quite a long time ago, maybe one year ago or so, on an online networking site for the gay community. My desire to meet him never became a reality because I was not brave enough to pull off my attempts. After several months of anticipating, now, I’ve finally met him, what will I do next? But the more relevant question is: “is there something more left for me to do?”

I know the gay online trade, people meet for something; friendship, romance, or lustful sexual encounters, and that time, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted from Barri. All I know is that I had a poisonous attraction towards him; he was physically magnetic. But for the longest time, we’ve been sending text messages on and off for like once every two months or more like a quarterly and seasonal event and every time we do, I end up awfully frustrated in meeting this perfect figure that I’ve assembled in my head. I really like him. Most of my standards in a man are in him; he’s gorgeous, tall, powerfully built, smart, and spontaneous! I am aware that it is easy for people to tell lies online just to appear interesting but with him, I just know that he’s the real deal. And so I built a sort of dream about us being together, sometime, someday, somewhere, somehow.

There were numerous instances that we could’ve met, however I was more concerned about what alibi to use at home just to escape and meet Barri. And for those times that he was out of my system, I was in a constant effort to find myself a lover. I can’t totally say that I failed; it’s just that I wasn’t able to find the right blend for an amazing relationship. Then, out of nowhere, it was about 9 in the morning of the 13^th of this month (a Thursday) when he texted me and said “hi” and hello frustration for me again! That time I was in Santa Cruz enjoying a break off from school with my siblings at home and he was in Pila (the town next to Santa Cruz). While I was keeping the conversation going, we found ourselves on an agreement to meet up! Since the pressure in me of meeting him intensifies, I grabbed that single chance and offered to meet him at the basketball court a few steps away from our house on a dry and hot mid noon. We were both reluctant because of the location and time of the meeting, so we cancelled it. Setting off an appointment with him wasn’t a new incident, so it didn’t bother me much, maybe next time…again. Surprisingly, that next time was that very same day; it was 10 in the evening when he sent me a text message. Barri invited me to join him together with his friends to drink and party the night away at Los Baños, Laguna, the infamous town known for “Buko pies” 5 or 6 towns away from Santa Cruz, and again, same issue; going out late at night that would require one believable and valid excuse. I left Barri hanging on the other line with no definite place or time but I gave him a definite “yes” that I’ll meet him until I figure out one brilliant plan. I am just letting my impulse to do its magic! The clock was ticking and so was my mind, by 12 midnight, I was still struggling to figure out a way to set up everything; from the place, time and even what we’ll do. Later, I got exhausted of thinking about our date that I dozed off. I was awakened at around 2 A.M. by annoying beeps coming from my out bursting mobile phone, and it was Barri! Before I slept (half intentional and half out of physical tiredness) my plan was either meet him here at Santa Cruz or at Pila once he’s home from the party. At that instant, secretly meeting someone from a town away at 2 in the morning would require some serious 007-like skills. It was with racing pulse and adrenaline rush that I managed to dress up good and sneak out incredibly dim-witted. I knew that my eldest ‘kuya’ noticed that someone went outside because I made screeching noise with the doors and the gate and that time, he was still awake (actually he just woke up that night, so he’s perfectly not drowsy at all) watching T.V. in the other room due to his crazy jet lag from the other day. The next thing I knew was I was on a runaway trip to something or someone I’ve been craving for. When I first saw Barri; fireworks! The translation from pixels and letters on the computer screen to the tangible and abstract being of him matched precisely. And when we started talking, it was a never ending exchange of stories more like of singers performing a duet. Everything that he kind of protected or kept secret regarding his identity he divulged to me that night. From his real name to more personal information that I’ve wanted to learn long before. I had a very high expectation that we will have a steamy summer night of sexual gratification but what I received was far better compensation; a mind blowing orgasm! An intellectual orgasm! Even though I thought of stealing a kiss or just a kind embrace will do. Those never happened. After three hours of talk, walk, and star gazing; I felt happy and sad and on the verge of going insane every time I remember what he told me in between our long conversation. If I am graduating from college, he’s graduating from homosexuality. He told me that being gay is fun, although he mentioned that he’s through with it. He had seen it all, did what has to be done, and concluded that there is no genuine love when it comes to same sex relationships; just companionship. When Barri told me that, I had a tighter grip to my faith that ‘we’ can find love in some way and some time and space. I am a hopeless romantic and I intend to stay this way for quite a longer time. What I didn’t see coming was when he told me that he’s planning to settle down and start a family with his girlfriend soon. He explained further that the reason behind our meeting was to offer me friendship. I was in the middle of a masquerade with him. I told Barri that I was a bit devastated by the news but I am equally glad that we had that moment. Is this scenario of I and Barri a typical case of “Right place, Wrong time”? And that question I wouldn’t tire myself answering. I sincerely respect his intention and I only have high regards of him. Now, I look up to him and see him as a ‘kuya’. Damn! I felt like this kid in a candy shop all in a sugar rush, the temptation was in front of him and all he did was snatch a jelly bean and ran away with what little fix he can have! I honestly wanted more of him but I realized that with just the friendship is really enough. And if ever we enter into a relationship, I am like a time bomb; I’m explosive and damaging with no warning, so I guess it probably would not work. I need to recollect myself! Because I want too many things in life that I end up wanting nothing at all! We finished talking by 4:30 in the morning. Barri insisted to accompany me ‘til I was on a jeepney going to Santa Cruz. I shook his hand, said “thank you”, and rode the jeep. When I got home everyone was awake; my two kuya’s, younger brother and sister! I sensed their suspicion but I didn’t bother to elaborate my motive. I am very happy that I met an amazing man with a pure soul that is Barri! I slept smiling.

I am not putting too much emphasis on Barri and my experience with him, I am writing because I’ve learned that being gay is a bold choice, that’s all! And to all my queers out there… cheers!

Episode 2:

After a week, Barri and I met again last night. That afternoon, while we were texting, I found out that he was having a dilemma. I can sense heaviness in his words. He kept on telling me to pray for him, and told me not to worry about him. How can I possibly keep my cool when all he was saying was just to include him in my prayers and without any assurance that he’s in a good condition. At first, he was trying to hide it from me but I was persistent in offering myself and he eventually told me his issue. He needed help; a material one, and when I found out that I can help him, I didn’t hesitate to come to his rescue! He was feeling so low and helpless and he even offered me that he will do anything in exchange of a small favor. Even though I wanted to take advantage of his situation, I couldn’t afford to benefit from someone’s weak point. And I even felt a bit offended but no harm taken. I told him that I am his friend; “I am here to help you, nothing more, and nothing less”. I am no self-righteous bitch, but helping a friend in need is far greater than one time bliss. When I arrived at Pila, Laguna from Dasmariñas, Cavite, I stayed at a waiting shed for several minutes for Barri to fetch me. When I saw him, he really seemed okay. Then, I had one of the most amazing times in my life! Barri took me for a ride; a motorcycle ride to a calm, solemn, and dreamy place! It was like a scene from a movie and like what I’ve told him; “…parang MTV ‘to”. Last night the moon was romantically life full and it was naturally breezy! He took me to a moonlit road stretched with rice fields and lined with trees along both sides. The view was impeccable! Silhouette of mountains, the formation of clouds and glittery stars are an instant remedy to a worn out spirit! Barri told me his problems and I was there to comfort him with what small effort I can present; I tried to lighten him up more. I gave jokes like that “…I feet like his mistress taking stolen moments from his girlfriend”, and that “I am not gay, I am really a girl just plain boyish”, I heard him laughed hard, his laughter that I never heard before. And again, runaway trips to intellectual orgasm with Barri are worth every journey, he’s a destination! Even though I’ve accepted that this wonderful guy is just a friend or more so like a ‘kuya’-figure to me, I can’t avoid desiring him. I hope that one day; my journey with Barri will no longer remain as an escape and I am looking forward to what we have right now will lead us into a strong friendship. We stayed sitting on a concrete bench for an hour and it was enough for me. He kept on thanking me with the support I gave him but little does he know that I’m equally thankful for everything he’s doing for me.

For now, I do not want a lover to be with me. I am perfectly okay with being single. But I am steadily waiting… for I know that there is that someone designed for me!

Barri is my favorite drug, he is my happy pill, he's my addiction.

"May karanasan ka bang makipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki/babae?"

2008-03-08T13:54:00.000+08:00

That was the intense question I needed to answer this afternoon! Gosh, all I wanted was the free pin after I donate my blood, but I never expected such blood pressure-increasing interogation!

So, I went there expecting to be sucked big time (of blood), the people took my vital signs and weight. Then, they handed me with this questionaire that, I guess, will assess my health condition further. In the form, there are questions regarding my current health status (in Tagalog), like: "May sakit ka ba sa atay, baga, puso, etc.?" and I aced it all with "wala". I felt so healthy with those questions! And then, I came across this dreadful question... "May karanasan ka bang makipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki/babae?". I know the truth, I know myself, I'm very honest (tactless at times), I know I have to tell the truth, I'm a nurse, it's my responsibility... So, I answered with a very frank "Oo"!

When I proceeded to the reception, I met my friends and they told me how they got rejected. Some of them were tired & lack enough sleep last night, have a low blood pressure, underweight or under medication... and I was joking, "baka ma-reject din ako, promiscuos kasi ako! hahaha"... and since they were my close friends, they know me, period. They were like, "wala ka namang HIV o AIDS no! Go, go, go!"... "But I had sex last month, okay lang kaya na nagsinungaling ako?" I said. But they thought I was being paranoid and was a bit delicate with the sensitivity of my sex life. So I went on! Then the lady who was testing everyone's blood type reviewed my answers on the questionaire, and was a bit judgemental with my answer on the question: "May karanasan ka bang makipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki/babae?" when she gave out a grin! I was so embarrased! Then she gave me a follow-up question: "Kelan pa to?" pointing to my answer on the questionaire. And I lied with my answer, I replied: "ilang buwan na po..." when the truth is it was just a month ago. I know she was just doing the protocol, but damn! it was tough! And when they have to re-examine my vital signs, the male receptionist asked me again the question: "May karanasan ka bang makipagtalik sa kapwa lalaki/babae?"... Gosh! In the back of my mind, I can sense that these people are passing judgement on my chosen lifestyle. Oh, well. If they were, its not me whose being 'unprofessional'. And the last stop was with the physician. While he was checking me up, I wanted to tell him the truth that I had sex last month, but I didn't. Carry on, I said to myself... And so I did.

The needle they inserted in me was a large bore! And boy was it painful! But ♪big girls don't cry♫ I donated 450ml of blood in exchange of the pin and... free food (soda in can, hotdog sandwhich, and carbonara). That was enough compensation for me!

I think, I'd make this a hobby! Sticking jumbo needles into your vein was fun! I'll donate my precious blood again! :lol:

P.S.

Check out the photos of my journey to paleness at my gallery.

Fuck You! I want you, but I can't have you!

2008-02-28T11:17:00.000+08:00

Dear Skinny White Jeans,

I am writing to you out of desperation. When I first glanced at you, I instantly felt that certain connection. So, I started a quest to look for you; the divine pair of you. First stop: "REFILL". Although that shop sells some so-so clothing for men (and just to add the hefty tag price not reasonable for the quality of their items), still, I gave it a chance because maybe, just maybe they would be selling the so-for-metrosexuals-with-a-waistline-of-not-more-than-29". But all I saw there was a lousy pair of white jeans, not skinny and oh-so-not-worthy of my peso. I've been to "BENCH" and all I saw was a straight cut which I didn't like at all. The fit was okay but not enough to leave me in awe. I thought that it was so mass-produced-ish more like for the masses. If I would spend, I'd spend on the next best thing. But I didn't stop there, and so I searched again. Then I passed by "MOSSIMO", bam! I saw the 'next best thing' white jeans. The cut was okay, the fit was alright, and the price? 50%! Right then there, i wanted to swipe my card, but thank God, I won over my impulsiveness. Although I wanted 'it', I managed to look one last time for the perfect white skinny jeans. "GUESS?", just typing the name makes me wanna rob a bank A.S.A.P.! And there, I saw it hanging near the entrance; the white skinny jeans. Even without checking out the tag, I know I would be seeing four digits. I tried it on... it was perfect. And then I found myself in the best shopping torture there is; having the stuff you want in your shaking hands with your pocket full of air waiting for some cents to add up to your savings. I can enumerate more top brands where I can find myself drooling and desperate in having the most amazing clothes but I just have to give it up. Fuck You! I want you, but I can't have you! This feeling may be wrong; the urge to spend aimlessly, but I know your presence would bring life to my style. You would be the perfect addition to my wardrobe! Then, I suddenly had an itching desire to dug deep into my pocket and buy you! And so I did. I bought the 'next bext thing'. And I am glad I did. Thank you for coming into my closet.

Yours loyally,

Fashion Victim

P.S.

I'm sorry for saying fuck you!♥

Hearts All Around

2008-01-28T11:47:00.000+08:00

February, Valentines Day, cupid, roses & chocolates, phone calls, hot sex, and emotional rollercoaster ride.

Everywhere I turn, I see hearts all around me.

A waiting heart.

A longing heart.

A heart oh-so-in-love.

A heart in distress.

A broken heart.

A question mark-full heart.

An angry heart.

A heart praising God.

A heart of a friend.

A father's/mother's heart.

A cold, rock-hard heart.

A dead heart.

A begging heart.

A gay heart.

A jealous heart.

A healthy heart.

Your heart.

And my heart.

My friend once said: "Love comes, Love goes, Love waits, Love dies...". Maybe she's right. But I believe that love is a cycle. You fall in-love, then you fall out of it. You fight for the love you have and you lose it all. You feel hurt. You die. You wait. You live again. You find new reasons to smile and you eventually get your groove back like "Stella". Life goes on, people move on. You can choose the role of a "stuck-up bitch", it's your loss. Because life gets better and better, for love is a cycle. All you have to do is let yourself get carried away by the current.

I dedicate this to Juan Paolo, I whom he calls his everything.

What happened to Heath Ledger?

2008-01-24T10:56:00.000+08:00

Heath Ledger is dead!
What a tragedy to the American Film & TV industry. Why do we have to loose such a hot and talented actor like Heath? Gosh, I really liked him a lot! He was my Ennis Del Mar! I couldn't get enough of the heat and the drama of the Ennis-Jack love story. It is the movie that gave a breathe of fresh air for the gay community. When I first read the news on my e-mail yesterday, I didn't bother to read it although for me it was an interesting entry. I thought it was just yet another catchy heading or a spam or some sort of gimmick, but oh no, when I turned on the T.V., the sad news was all over the place and I couldn't believe it! If I am shocked, probably many people will feel the same. He's a huge loss. And definitely, Michelle and their daughter is in deep pain today. May you rest in peace Heath.

Now my dreams of seeing Brokeback Mountain part two is gone...

The Winner: My Ass Is Tighter Than My Big Mouth

2007-12-31T08:20:00.000+08:00

What a vulgar heading! If I certainly need attention, this is the way to go, the foul and nasty road to stardom!
Since I can't stop the itch, I'll let my big mouth do its talking. I had sex with a friend. Forgive me for rushing into the climax. My friend told me to keep it a secret. I, on the other hand, sold our story like "Keso De Bola" on Christmas Season! By the way, Happy Holidays! Going back, but I would go brief, although not precise, on the details. And as much as I want to bare it all (the names, the places, the dates, the how's and why's of the story) I need to give due respect (the remaining) to my friend.
After five or so rounds of alcohol, my friends and I (we were a group of eight) are literally and figuratively all over the place! We were crying, almost kind of aggressively attacking each other, and just valuing our last Christmas in college. On the other side of the party, the usual I'm-so-horny-when-I'm-tipsy me randomly told my guy friend that I have the hots for him in a warm embrace while we were both standing in the middle of the garden. I really don't expect anything, honestly. I was not even waiting for a "putang ina, walang namang taluhan" dialogue at all. I was just plain I.S.H.W.I.T. and feeling so lousy. Yes, the spirit of alcohol doesn't do any good to my system. It just exaggerates my suppressed desires and unconscious thoughts. Going back... To my surprise, he whispered back: "Juno, I like you too...” in a soft and sexy way that turned me wild in a snap! Then I started kissing and sucking his neck aimlessly! I can say that our friendship is shallow; it is bound by companionship and platonic bond. But that night, I felt connected to him! (Who wouldn't?) And while I was trying to drive him nuts, he kept on whispering: "stop! Juno, stop! I'm having a boner!" again, in the softest tone I've ever heard of him utter. Now I can't remember why I stopped kissing him that evening because it has been nine or more days ago. All I know is that it didn't stop there! The whole night, I pleasured him in the sneakiest and subtle way I could possibly do amidst the presence of our unknowing and drunk friends. I was so devilishly lusty! What I did to him was like more of sexual teasing with the details I won't elaborate. But we never really did it! But wait! There's more!
We could've done it that night but he refused.
That very next morning, with the sun still not up, I was awakened by the beep of my mobile phone. A text message, from him saying: "I want you". I was on cloud nine! That message was an effective way of throwing flattery that can quickly put me ablaze! Obviously, I like the guy. Actually I do have a crush on him that I was amusing myself for quite a while. And I manage to keep it a secret from him. But I am not so sure if he was clueless knowing that I tried flirting with him in a somehow foolish and joking type of way. And yes we're in the same circle of friends. I guess it's inevitable to fall for a friend. All it takes is the decision to cross between friendship and love. Going back, going back! So that day, after waiting a few more hours, everyone went to each and every personal agendas and our group split ways. But not us! We live in the same dormitory, although we are not roommates, we live on the same floor (now this is a give-away piece of information, if you want to know his identity. Fuck me! My ass is tighter!). After settling down in my room, the urge was growing and growing every millisecond in me until I rushed outside and ended up knocking on his door. Crazy thoughts were running inside my head those times. And when he opened his door, with him half naked and wearing only a boxer brief, I hurriedly went inside and we started to entangle ourselves in a blissful kisses and embraces. Then he asked me: "are you sure about this?" in my head, I was like "Oh yes I am sure! Just for keeping me wanting you for how long, I am definitely sure of turning my fantasy into reality!” So I returned back the question "are you sure you want this?" I said, in a joking manner. And with no words spoken we went on. Sorry but I have to spoil the excitement. Although quite some pleasuring occurred, we both did not came. So there!
After the incident, I started texting him. Saying how I can’t stop thinking about him and that I am confused if what happened was just casual sex. And again to my surprise, he responded positively. And we kept on exchanging messages for five or so days. The thing was I am not sure if I need to be attached to him as of this very moment. Or if I am willing to cross the thin line of our friendship or should I say am I now willing to draw another line between us again. And we are challenged to answer the dilemma of Lust VS Love. But we finished up by choosing to be just friends as of this very moment before we float on our thoughts of us in a relationship (which is really not a bad idea). Actually, I am so sorry for him because he had to experience my complexity first hand! I am like the wind; I can blow from North then South, then East and then West! And most of the times I just want to bang my head on the wall for the petty catastrophes I create!
Moving on! And proving that my ass is tighter than my big mouth, I told one of our friends our dirty little secret that very same day after we did it. You can now choke me to death my friend!
What is the moral lesson of my story?
Get drunk, but take the responsibility.
Fuck your friend, and still take the responsibility.
Follow your heart! And take full responsibility…
And thoroughly assess yourself if you’re ready for a commitment, even though it is fun to be lost in love, still you are responsible for every bit of your life’s drama!
Amen?
Although I am longing for someone to call my lover, I will just know within me that he is it! So I am in a rush. Fools rush in, and I am a fool. So where does it take me?
What a year!
And what do I expect of me in 2008? I expect the unexpected, I still have to deal with the ever complex Juno, that you can simply hate or love.
Happy New Year my dear friends!

Seeing me in him

2007-11-23T10:26:00.000+08:00

Last Monday, while checking out what's left on my cobwebbed multiply account, I bumped into an unusual photo in my contacts section; the picture of my "ex" with his new "mate" (which is my actual contact & a friend). My initial reaction? heart rate increased, excessive sweating of palms & the urge to alt-f4 the window. But I was able to survive glancing at the thumbnail for a few seconds and ended up browsing my multiply as if nothing buggled me a few seconds ago. In the picture, I saw them both smiling, lying on bed or somewhere with the "new guy" in my ex's arm. Honestly, really, really, really honestly... to me... it's not a BIG DEAL anymore.

hdfgsdfgsdg

2007-10-09T12:38:00.000+08:00

gfsdgdfgdafg

"A Moon and A Billion Star... I only need One Sunshine"

2007-09-13T06:45:00.000+08:00

I have big opportunities to enter in a relationship...

but I chose to stay single.

I am constantly asking myself... "Do I still need 'time' and 'space' like an astronaut?" This what I tell my friends (in a comical manner) whenever they ask me about my current love-life stats; "I need time & space". But for how long?

Now, I have this wonderful guy in my life... He shows great interest in me. But I just can't say "yes"... Fuck my standards!!! Fuck me!!! Oh, just fuck me! And now I am a "SIGURISTA"? Or maybe just maybe that I may be so sure that there are better guys than him that would perfectly fit my rotten standards.

_____________________________________________________________________________

My Basic Standards:

1st: "Attraction is VITAL"- if you're HOT, you're just a few centimeter away... but if you're NOT... let's see if we can work on it...

2nd: "The 'L' word"- well as they say "Love" is mysterious like the Sphinx in Egypt, but my second standard is... is the guy showing genuine interest, care, desire to own me? If not... then we might just be hooking up because of the "F" word...

3rd: "I'll make love to you, like you want me to, and I'll hold you tight baby all through the night"- Boyz2Men... sigh... oh, yes! The so-called elite make-out song. If all else fails... at least if he's good in bed it might change the mood. but if he's not... damn! what now???

_____________________________________________________________________________

Going back to the story...

He's:

Attractive=30% +

Love=90% +

Sex=30% +

=150% /3 =50% which means... UNSURE!!!

So there, the fucking criteria hinders me in some fucking way to commit... and fuck it! fuck me! I can't solve the formula!!! is it supposed to be all about happiness, self-happiness?

If I have a "Sun" right now, should I search for better "stars" out there???

Identity Crisis Round 2!!!

2007-07-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

A not so recent break-up...
A new pretty girl...
and what will i get?
ta-da! A second trip to Identity Crisis!

I know I am gay, I was gay a few months ago, I was very sure of that (am I officially allowed to use the "was" about my gayness?), I've got a boy in my life (bedroom included), but when I met this girl, I found myself confused all over again.
I never thought that of all people or of all sex, I would be attracted to a girl!
I think I'm a "Trysexual" now, a trysexual is defined as someone who can try any sex. what!?
I guess cupid must have been wrong to strike his stupid arrow and skewered my heart with a girl/female/her/she...
Then, I've slowly realized that it's no longer just an attraction...
I am infatuated with her!
We had our moment.
It was during one midnight, where the moon was full and the wind was cool... we were both texting and were staying at two seperate spaces; I was standing outside the fire exit and she was sitting on her sink. Although we can see each other from where we stand... I declined her invitation to come over her place.
And since then, more stories unfolds...
The next thing I knew... I was seriuosly flirting with her even more!
Of course I got confused in the process, and worse is I got scared of getting hurt again... (I was assuming early on that there will be an "us") esp. issues of infidelity (now I am not only watching out for gay guys as opponents... but straight men as well! fuck the competition is not fair at all! not at all)
I can give this a try...
but can I handle the consequence?
(I have these questions that only myself can answer)
How did I got out of my comfort zone?
And why on earth am I grazing into an alien part of the universe!?... the so-called heterosexual relationship.
But this time I have a chance of having stability, STABILITY!
The question is, am i man enough to face my fear?

(sorry for using your photo my loves)

10 Days with Him

2007-06-04T23:17:00.000+08:00

I know, the title is catchy... but no, I am soooo single... still.
My Kuya came home from Jersey City for a 10-day vacation and damn it was crazy!;)
I've realized how hard it is to travel every day (almost)... gosh, it's like living in a trailer or it's like given a chance to live like a music artist On-Tour! After one trip, another new one is yet to happen...
it was all worth it...
From North to South...
I've enjoyed roaming the road and even the sea with my family...
And it was so surreal to see all my sibs next to me, "ngayun na lang kasi kami na-complete"
(Juno's lousy explanation: I haven't uploaded the best shots... ;p)

Is emptiness better than constant hurting?

2007-05-11T16:05:00.000+08:00

"I hate forcing myself to let go of one person that I need in my life, it's the only thing that makes sense but at the same time, it's the same thing that complicates me.
I know I'm better off without that person, yet I feel empty whenever I try to let go.
Is emptyness better than constant hurting?..."

I received this text message from a friend...
Well, every word fits perfectly...

Fuck Buddies?

2007-04-25T14:13:00.000+08:00

A.R., my Ex-B.F. & I met last Saturday at my dorm after a month of me ignoring him around campus/ texting bittersweet text messages and giving dozen of missed calls to each other.
Apparently, we have the same schedule of make-up duty that day, so we are really bound to meet.
During the duty, every movement and gesture I made to A.R. was so awkward!
I told him thru text that whatever "sweetness" happening between us in the text world will be different from the real world.
I haven't seen him for quite a long time, maybe 5, 6 or 7 weeks?
And I'm still a "disturbed haunted ghost"!;)
So there... we both can't help to see each other again... We gave in to the urge...
We resolved the issues, settled the drama and finally came to the decision that "we are free", no commitments... & if we happen to become lovers again good, & if we find someone new... much better???;p
And...
We had ***
Now, I still have this question in my head...
should I pursue our ended relationship or just move on?
Logic, logic, logic...
;x

Love is not a game... Never play with it!

2007-03-20T14:17:00.000+08:00

I am crushed, and devastated!
How can someone play with my heart just like that?
The trickery... the deception...
I really wonder how I can still manage to move on...
Fuck!
I gotta move on!

So, 7 months? Wow! We've been together for 7 long months...
But as it turned out...
The word "we" didn't even exist!!!
I was dreaming alone with him beside me...
I was so fuckin' in-love but was loving only one-way...

They warned me about him...
I listened but didn't let it sink in...
So, this is the consequence...
Fuck!
Why do I have to learn the hard and nasty way?

A sad story to share...
But a liberating effort for me...

THE FACTS AND DETAILS OF 1 OF THE GREATEST CONSPIRACY DONE TO ME:

March 7, 2007
♥ Refer to my entry posted on March 8, 07'
As it turned it...
There's nothing to break at all...
Because there was nothing...
Our relationship was just a joke...
to him...
but definitely not to me...

Additional infos:
We talked about us having “orgy”…
I have a crush on this guy. A sophomore nursing student, a real hottie…
I found out that he kinda likes me too…
So I told A.R. about it, he reacted very passively…
A.R. just told me that t’was fine with him if I go for my crush and even have sex with the guy…
But I told him that if it’s okay with him that I f*** others, it’s not cool with me if he’ll go and f*** new guys other than me.
I really didn’t know what to say about his incredibly malicious admission…
If I should be happy that A.R. is very open about me f***** other guys…
Or should I be mad at my man cause he no longer respect our exclusivity, it’s as if I can go and f*** everyone! Where is respect, loyalty and most of all love in our relationship?
But a part of me was happy,
Cause…
We’re open to each other…
Or perhaps there is something wrong happening that is very much hidden from me.

March 9, 2007 (a Friday)
♥ So I've waited for him after class, the usual thing...
We walked together...
In my opinion...
We seem very happy...
So it "seems"...
Our group needed to do a project so instead of staying behind and be with my man...
I have no choice but to leave him alone...
That word alone scares me to death knowing that during that time...I am so not secured in our relationship...
He walked me out of the campus...
While I was waiting for a jeepney with my groupmates...
I saw him...
He went back inside the campus with someone...
A girl...
I was so down after seeing it.

March 10, 2007
♥ The "b.f.-snatcher" texted me...
He managed to get my mobile phone's number...
And he fucked with my head... REAL GOOD!
My skin was flushed with this deep coldness...
I am silently crying out for help...
In that very harsh moment...
the guy that I thought would help me...
was nowhere...

March 11, 2007
♥ Can't help it any more...
So I texted A.R.
I told him that I needed his help so terribly...
He texted back...
Reassured me that the issue is nothing...
If it's nothing to him...
I just convinced my self to ignore and let the issue fade away...

>I also asked about last Friday's issue...
Who is the "girl"?
Why go back?
Why didn't he waved goodbye?

>And he answered:
t'was "Khaye" (the newly elected president)...
that he was hungry and needed to buy food in the canteen...
(no answer)

I believed every single word he said...
I trusted him...
I love him...

March 12, 2007 (a Monday)
♥ Early in the morning...
My classmate who's very close to me mouthed some words to me from the other side of our classroom...
He said...
"May sasabihin ako sa'yo... about kay A.R."
I know what to expect already...
So I replied, and I managed to joke about it...
"Let me guess... bad news?"
He said yes...
I couldn't wait for his story so I told him to write his story and exchange letters with me during class...
The letter said:
"Juno, si A.R. may iba na... nagsusumbong sa'kin yung 4th yr gay friend ko na nililigawan ni A.R. and the worst thing is pati yung B.F. nung 4th yr nililigawan na rin niya!... at sabi nung friend ko na yun, nahuli mo na daw sila before na magkasama..."
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
My sanity was torn into pieces...
Yes, I've seen A.R. before with that ugly gay guy a few months ago but I never really focused on it cause our relationship was doing great!...
Doin great in my point-of-view...
But recalling what happened that day that I saw them walking together...
He moved a few steps away from him...

What a day, right?
The big bust is yet to come...

The "4th yr" texted me...
That he is very willing to cooperate with me...
Fuck you!
What do you mean cooperate?
Help me to even fuck my head with more nasty information?
How they fucked behind my back?
How he satisfied his lust?
How they laughed real hard in my expense?

March 14, 2007
♥ “The Final Bout”

After almost 50 missed calls and a few not-so-sorry-more-of-a-very-much-proud text messages…
He texted me again telling me that if I don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine with him…
So I replied:
“Sn kb?
Mit me @ my dorm…
U knw wr 2 find me…”

He agreed.

After 6 hours of excruciatingly waiting for him at my friend’s dorm with other friends…
He finally told me that:
“Nnd2 na me sa tapat ng window mo, nakalock ung gate nyo…”

From my friends’ place I went to my dorm and asked one of my closest friends to walk me to my dorm…

Then I saw his face…
A very familiar face…
The face that I really recognize, that time became very puzzling to me in terms of identity.

All I wanted was to hear the truth…
Nothing more, nothing less…
The truth that was skillfully kept concealed to me…
The great fraud…
I just wanted to be set free…

Til the last drop of his uncanny blood…
He lied…
Wanting to fool me more…
Desiring to make the fucked up story craftier…
Isn’t the lies enough?
Can he make more miserable?
Is there a lot more I need to dumb myself with?

He constantly asked me painful to answer questions like:
“Galit ka?”
“Tayo pa ba?”
“Ano ba ang mga nalaman mo?”
“So tapos na tayo?”

I desperately wanted to hear an apology…
And until the end, after all the bruises, and the pain he had caused me…
Just one sincere “sorry” can erase all of it…
But he didn’t even manage to console and save my soul…

I insisted that he take all my love letters or should I say his love letters from me...
He didn'e take it...
As if they were just trash to him...
After the fucked up conversation...
He went outside...
just like that...
So I grabbed my keys...
crumpled all his love letters, locked my dorm, and threw it to trash!!!
On the second floor of my dorm...
I called his name...
And...
Slapped his face rael, real, REAL HARD!
And I ran away and went to my friends!
After that, I thought i would be happy, but 'til the end...
My concern for him rule over my hate!
Sigh...

And the most difficult thing is that I don't know anymore when to believe what ever he said to me whether it's fact or fiction, real or just words to relieve me...

March 20, 2007
♥And while I’m typing this entry at the school computer room, guess who came in?
Surprise!
It’s the gay couple that A.R. preferred against me.
What a fucker!
They were looking proud as if no harm was done…
I really wanted to punch their faces until I satisfy myself seeing blood running down their faces!

Now, what I've realized is that I did lose just one person in my life, one very valuable person (used to be)...
But I gained a lot...
My family, who loves me soooo much...
My army of friends... couldn't live without their back-up!
& people who care...
& of course Hotties who inspires me and suggests that "hey bitch, u gotta move on, damn you're HoT!" Hahahahaa... self flattery!
I'm not saying this cause I'm a very bitter EX!,
I just realized that I'm so damn filthy rich with the people who loves me inspite of me...
And that I don't need someone to make me feel my worth...
Thanks A.R. for breaking my heart...

Moving on!...
Damn!
This is sooo fun!
Yipee!;x

Break something weaker...

2007-03-08T10:29:00.000+08:00

We are on our 7th month being together now, and things are getting much better each day! Tho tough times can't be avoided, we still make it through.
Yesterday, after a very tiring day...
A.R. and I decided to hang out at my dorm as we usually do.
We watched my gay porn DVD, well actually I didn't watch anymore since I know all the twist and turns the pornstars will do.
So I just lie down beside him...
while checking out his mobile phone, in his inbox...
I saw some text messages that I wish I just didn't see.
An unregistered number was texting my man...
Saying words like: "baby kumain ka na", "magkasama ba kau ni juno?", "wat gwa mu?" and other stuff that almost made my heart burst out! Burst out of jealousy and anger! My heart was beating like a horse's after a race!
It was my first time!
He's my first boyfriend, this is my first relationship and I don't know how to confront the situation...
Finally after a few more messages read, I asked him who's the person texting him and what is happening...
Then he told me everything...
The guy is an ugly gay guy, was an ex-nursing student, a sophomore, and is now a Rad Tech student that A.R. encountered in the past.
Well, I am amazed how that feisty bitch nicknamed me "DRAGON" (he's assuming that I'm a war-freak)and how he desperately text someone's bf and tell him how horny he is. Gosh! how lame and pitiful!
I wanted to hunt the illusional fag and be very, very, very, VERY VIOLENT...
but I'm not like that...
Thank God I still have my composure amidts the drama...
And if I pay attention to the soooper dreamer bitch, it'll just prove him right that I am a "DRAGON".
And why should I stoop down to his level?
If my man doesn't even care about the issue, why would I waste my time troubling myself with a pathetic loser?
I asked A.R. why he didn't tell me that someone's texting him...
he reassured me that no one can break what we have...
I am stupid at times, but I know when to use my head!
I know that he loves me, and i can really feel it...
But all I want is that next time, our relationship will be much stronger if we have honesty and share each other's pain and triumphs.
We are going there...
We are going there...

Thank God I can now upload videos on Photobucket!

2007-02-24T15:24:00.000+08:00

I am so thankful to Photobucket!;)
Since I'm so busy right now, even posting something with sense is so impossible.
But now, the videos that tell my stories can take the place of my typed letters!;)
Woohoo!;) I'm so lazy!;)
This is a video taken at McDonalds my friend was supposed to take a pic shot but she turned the video mode of my mobie phone on...
:)
My dream of a video blog is now a reality!;)
Expect more of my videos in the future!;)

Don't compromise yourself... Yourself is all you've got.

2007-02-05T15:21:00.000+08:00

com·pro·mise [kom-pruh-mahyz] -

1. a settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.
2. the result of such a settlement.
3. something intermediate between different things: The split-level is a compromise between a ranch house and a multistoried house.
4. an endangering, esp. of reputation; exposure to danger, suspicion, etc.: a compromise of one's integrity.
5. a middle way between two extremes

I'll give way just to make you happy.
Surrender one battle for you to win a hundred battle.
I'll be the loser if you can't stomach being the loser.
Laugh at your jokes that all points back to me like a knife stabbing my chest.
I'll say sorry even if I deserve an apology more than you do.
I'll take the blame.
I'll hug you whenever you feel alone.
I'll let you bite me, but let me bite back.
Say goodbye once, I'll stop you twice, do it thrice, you won't see me holding you back.
I won't act like a victim in this crime...
cause my conscience tells me that I'm also guilty.
I cried because of you, but I would still wipe your tears dry.
You walked a million kilometer just to say you love me, but I gave more importance to how much time I spent standing at a post waiting for you.
Don't call, I'll be fine,
Don't accept my apology...
Ignore me...
I'll compromise,
I'd rather choose to be hurt,
to be called a hypocrite,
than to loose you.
But then again,
how long will I compromise?
No one's asking me to do so...
Am I that naive to not realize that he also does the same?
And yet I kill myself subconsciously with expectations I don't need.

I don't even have time to blog...

2007-01-22T16:39:00.000+08:00

Gosh, my life now is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
busy!

Got too many stories to tell but I just can't seem to end up with a single post...

And I desperately want to just videoblog my entries, but uploading a video from my cell phone to a host on the net takes a trillion year and I can't wait that long...

Sigh...

Someday I'll find time to speak up and finally revive the life of my blog... ;)

Sound trip coz I'm busy?

2006-11-11T16:11:00.000+08:00

I'm so busy with school, with my love life ;p, with my extracurriculars(theater), with my life!;p
So I can't post any decent story...
I'll just share the songs I love...

Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now

2006-10-08T04:30:00.000+08:00

Lookin' in your eyes
I see a paradise
This worild that I found
Is to good to be true

Standin' here beside you
Want's so much to give you
This love in my heart
And I'm feelin' for you

They say we're crazy
I don't give a damn
Put your hand in my hand
Baby dont ever look back

Let the world around us
Just fall apart
Baby we can make it
If we're heart to heart

Chorus:
And we can build this dream together
Stand this strong forever
Nothing's gonna stop us now
And if this world runs out of lovers
We'll still have eachother
Nothing's gonna stop us now

I'm so glad I found you
I'm not gonna loose you
What ever it takes
I will stay here with you
Take it to the good times
See it trough the bad times
Whatever it takes that's what I'm gonna do

They say we're crazy bhat do they know
Put your hands around me baby don't ever let go

Let the world around us just fall apart
Baby we can make it if we're heart to heart

Chorus

All that i need is you
All that I ever need
And all that I want to do
Is hold you forever
Ever and ever

Solo

Chorus

AR has this song (not the original version) in his mobile phone...
He told me to listen to it...

Ahhh...
I am so in-love with my man, I am so in-love with you AR!
We had tough trials before we reached where we are today!
Just read my previous post.But now, Nothing's really gonna stop us now!
I can see us going places! We are growing together...
And I am so thankful that we are happy now!

This week, we had a bitter-sweet ride...
And also this week we celebrated our 2nd monthsary (last October 5)...
During our monthsary:
We cried like children...
Because finally, we opened up...
Now we know what we really mean to each other...
And finally, he gave me the only thing that I ask from him, which is his truth.
tho he told me...
"Mahal kita, pero hindi ko lang talaga maipakita..."
Which totally surprised me and at the same time made things clear...
And tho he offered my freedom back, because he no longer wanted to see me cry and hurt and be devastated because of him...
I refused to end our relationship...
Because I really can't...
It was not the right time...
I told him that we will work together...
That I'll help him show his love for me...
And now, we are unstoppable!!!
I love him so much...
And tho saying "I love you" to him is so overused...
I mean it, so much!!!
And now, I am more convinced that we can last for long...
Because he is loving me more than ever, the words that he told me about his love that doesn't show... I can feel it now a thousand fold! And I couldn't ask for more...
We are moving a step higher each time we fall hard on the ground!

AR, thanks for being my man, I love you!

Doin' too much

2006-10-01T09:00:00.000+08:00

"Doing too much"
by Paula DeAnda

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)

See you got me all alone
Waitin right here by the phone
For you to call me,
Just to here
Your voice tone
I keep on wondering if you was even
Feeling me, I keep on wondering if
This was even meant to be
Tell me imma waste of time, boy
You showing me no sign, is it cuz u on
Ya grind, cuz you're always on my mind

I keep on wondering if everything you said was true
I keep on wondering if you were really coming through

Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much
Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)

I'm out with my girls tryna have a good time
And you know I'm looking fly tryna meet sum other guys
But it gets hard sometimes cuz there ain't no one just like you
I try my best but I can't shake this thing u got me going through

All i can picture is the color of your eyes, and the way u make me smile
I ain't felt this in a while,
But I came to a conclusion that this is pure illusion
Chaos and confusion but I'm not gonna let it ruin

The way I feel about myself cuz I got self-esteem, sometimes I
Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy

The way I feel about myself cuz I got self-esteem, sometimes I
Wonder if I'm just chasing a fantasy

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)

(Baby Bash:)
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha
Just leave ya name and number
And I'm gon holla at cha

Ronnie Ray all day
Women in the hall way, Ev day losing track of the people tryna call me
Don't take this the wrong way, I been havin long days, doing it, moving
Round the town wherever I'm getting my song played

Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much

Now here I go again blowing you up,
And my girlfriends keep telling me
I'm doing too much

I'm leaving messages and voicemails
Telling you I miss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Why you tryna diss me
When I just wanna kiss you
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
Tell me what's the issue
Who I give these lips to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)
This is turning into
Something I ain't hip to
Baby am I doing too much (too much)

Doing Too Much

When is the right time to say that you're already"Doing too much"?

What happened to the Juno that I know? The strong, intelligent, glowing and fun and exciting gay guy that evrybody loves and hates. If there are changes in your life, most especially in your attitude towards life, I think you should never blame anyone because if someone suddenly comes into your life and changes you one way or another, directly or indirectly, the choice is yours to make, it's either you let that person affect and influence you or you stick with who you are, with the characteristics that make you, YOU, or you go somewhere in between (which is totally mission impossible in my opinion...).

My boyfreind AR is driving me nuts. He's always banging inside my head, fuckingly throbbing in every corner of my heart and draining every glow and life of my very soul... 24/7!!!

I text him right after I wake up in the morning, text him still to say "I LOVE YOU", "MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA" and ask him if he's just okay or tell him my whereabouts. I try to reach out everytime that we can't be together because I have my extracurriculars. My concern for him never stop! I know I'm missing out on him but my point is... I am reaching out here. And if you can't feel it... You can definitely kill me.

In the beginning, all he did to me was to make me float on midair, bring me to cloud9, give me a natural high and damn, everybody can see that I'm inspired. But now, I am no different to a topsy-turvy, empty, house after a wild party last night, to those lethargic patients that I see once in a while in the hospital ward, I am trying my best to live my life eventhough deep down inside the happiness in my life depends greatly on one single humanbeing, AR. Stupid and unfair? I know! Now, I am unfair to my family, to my friends, to myself and also to him. I am so unfair to everyone! I don't want to make him appear as if his the bad guy here, but if he can make the best out of me, he can also make the most aweful person in the world out of me, I'm the stupid guy here! I feel so miserable because of what I am doing to myself, loving a person so much and forgeting that I still have great people who I can love. He is not obliging me to love him, in fact, he wants me to stop loving him if he knows that he is not doing any good in my life, but hello, I love you! All I need is for you to love me too, appreciate my stupidity, bear with my short-comings, forgive my faults, compromise and understand and most especially accept me for who I am And just let me shower you with great love that you might not find anywhere, a rare love that comes once in a lifetime. He is doin it all but... just enough to make me feel so unappreciated, most of the time (and I am not exhaggerating.) Now what about selfworth? I can sacrifice, I can give til there's nothing left in me, I can be brave and strong for us...even if deep inside I am more scared than anyone...and even if it'll empty me inside...

I feel so weak and defenseless because I sincerely, selflessly, martyr-like love him. I am all for him. Will somebody give me some advice, a really good one, an advice that can really help not just me but also AR. I want to lay all my cards but if I do, it will be unfair for him because I really don't know his side of the story. Only if he could make me be a part of his life even more maybe this could be better, maybe this relationship could work-out just fine.

In a relationship, it takes two to tango, all I wish is that we meet halfway because I want to end up with him, tho not forever at least for a long time...

If this is the love that's for me, the kind of love that I deserve, then this is the love that I...
I don't know what to say anymore...
Dead end for me...
I made just one promise to AR, and I am not breaking it. I promised that I'll be the last person that will never leave him, the very person that will love him til there's nothing lovable left in him, the person that will be there for him...
"I wish I know how to quit you."

I am scared to loose him... or anyone in that matter... Because I don't know if I will love like this ever again or if someone will love me like he do! or maybe because he's my first?...
He's the dangerous kind...
His history is criminal!
All I am asking is honesty and trust...
But if this is not meant to be...
I'll set you free... (F*@%, that would tear up my dreams and crush my world)
Just give me two years...
And I'll be okay again...
But for now I'll never let you go... As long as you are there!

Anything for you

2006-09-24T07:06:00.000+08:00

♥September 11, 2006:
Since our duties are conflicting, mine was 6am to 2pm at the Operating room @ La Salle and his was 2pm to 10pm @ La Salle as well, we have to sacrifice and work on it!
But we never stopped sending sweet text messages while on duty... ;p
(Since I'm tired after a long day of working @ the OR, I usu. sleep right after I arrive @ my dorm & wake up at around 5-6pm...)
I know we miss each other like hell... I know!!!

>He texted me(@ around 9-10pm-after his duty)...
AR:"nand2 lang aq malapit sa dorm mo"
me:"ge, gv me 5mins., shower lng aq."
then I took a very brief shower, put on some cologne... and went outside...
AR:"wag na...uwi na aq, nsa jip na aq..."
I was disappointed...
but I never complained...
I prepared and I was about to meet him that night, but it was too late...

♥September 12, 2006:

Duty conflicting again...
But I went to his duty area for:
Reason # 1: I was hoping to find my missing patient @ AR's ward...
Reason # 2: To see him and make "papansin"
I saw him doing something near the patients' list... luckily I need not to go any further, because that's where I "really" need to go to...
So, while he was busy...
I stood beside him and pretended that I was just another nurse searching for a patient...
We didn't talk, I just smiled at him and said hi...
;p
(my regular "pag-papa-cute style")

♥September 13, 2006:

I don't remember anything that happened on this day!?!?!?

♥September 14, 2006:

No longer our duty, I've waited for him after class...
but he was not textin me...
So, I invited my friend to join me and check the internet...
Then, he texted me that he was just downstairs(my dorm)...
But before entering the net cafe, I asked him "ano, okay lang ba kung mag-net ako? pwede ko namang gawin to mamaya"
he said "wag na,nanjan na e,ituloy mo na..."
I hurried and finished my work for about half an hour only, coz I know he's waiting and I don't want to waste his time just waiting for me...
but when I was done and willing to cuddle him...
he decided to just go home...
I didn't expect that he'd do that...
I was really hurt...

Then, I made this "Break up" letter...
I did that ONLY to release my pain...
Do you know how I feel about sometimes you know your relationship is no longer working but you just can't leave the person because your love is greater than anything and you are willing to do anything just to make things work???...
That night, I was really hurt...
I tried texting him...
but he was...
I don't know?!?!?

♥September 15, 2006:

Finally, after a week of coldness...
We ended up at my dorm again...
We cuddled and cuddled and talked and talked...
Then, when everything was goin fine...
He opened up to me that he was bugged that I didn't meet him up last Monday(Sept. 11)...
and why do I have to take a shower...
all he wanted was to see me...

I didn't say anything...
I wanted to be with him so badly that night too...
But it just didn't happen...
But my point is I came...
And I finally said to him...
I came...

And then, I opened up my hurt feelings to him,
I said that I made this break up letter for him....

And then....

everything changed!!!

He suddenly turned into this cold, silent and unknown person...

I can sense that he was shocked...hurt...and threatened...

I tried explaining myself...
that I don't have any intention of giving the letter to him or breaking up with him...
but he was decided that...
that...
I am calling it quits...
but I don't want to call it quits, God knows I love him so much!!!
But then he decided that he has to go home...

So I begged...
I grabbed his bag and put it behind me...
And begged some more for us to fix this mess...
that I don't want to end the relationship that way...
since I am not giving his bag...
he opened the door and left...
all I had was his bag for him to return...
Damn, my world crumbled!!!!!
I went over my friends' dorm and cried...
I texted him to get his bag @ my dorm and to talk to me...
after a few hours...
he texted me...
that he was waiting outside my dorm...
I hurried...
then...
I explained...
it didn't work...
I felt so alone and destroyed that night...
the I gave his bag...
and he left...

That night, I went to my friends...
and entertained myself...
but the pain just can't seem to vanish...
I kept on texting him...
trying to win him back...
no message came out from him!
I can't sleep, I cried... I was devastated...
Then out of a sudden...
with my eyes so tired...
I fell asleep...

♥September 16, 2006:

My morning was never the same as to those of the past days...
thank God my theater rehearsals kept me occupied...
but after that, I went home alone...
On my way home, I tried even more convincing him that I never wanted to hurt him and swallowed all my pride...
but still...
he was not responding...
I went home so hurt...
then, my younger brother asked me: "o, kamusta na kayo ni AR?"
I said we're almost over...

♥September 17, 2006:

I went to ukay-ukay with my mom...
I was so hurt still, and I wanted to tell my mom about everything...
but I just can't...
Then, I went back to Dasma, Cavite that night...
hurt...

♥September 18, 2006:

I have this old CD... that has sad songs...
All I listened to is...
"Anything for you" by Gloria Estefan...
Damn the lyrics are perfect!!!
every word matches my heart's cry...

♥September 19, 2006:

Still...
"Anything for you"
Still...
no news about AR...

♥September 20, 2006:

"Anything for you"...
I texted up AR's close friend, Rika, also my friend...
To check how he has been...
She said

♥September 21, 2006:

P.S.:
I'll finish this post later...

My OR stories

2006-09-05T14:00:00.000+08:00

TAHBSO (Total Abdominal Hysterectomy Bilateral Salphingo-Oophorectomy)
Removal of the Uterus, Fallopian tube and Ovaries...

My gosh...
I never thought that working in the Operating Room can be such fun!!!
Scrub-in, Scrub-out!
And also that sterility issue!!! Man, being sterile is no joke!

I woke really early, because my shift is 6am to 2pm... I was drowsy, and immediately my Clinical instructor scrubbed me IN!

The experience was amazing...
Saving a life is kewl!!!
I saw a huge myoma. It was like a huge dinosaur egg!!!
My life is now like watching "Grey's Anatomy" LIVE!

Got to go... I'm sleepy, I have to wake again early tomorrow...
Speaking of tomorrow...

We'll be celebrating our first monthsary tomorrow, me & AR!
Awww...

Love til it hurts...

2006-08-27T02:30:00.000+08:00

That's my motto now!

One big sigh...

The fisrt two weeks was heaven on earth, paradise on hostile grounds, it was my long-lost dream coming true!
My wish upon the star granted...
But every dream ends when you wake up...

Before, he always text me sweet messages and check on me from time to time and that keeps me high all through out the day, a smile that inspires others, and a smile that glows from in out...
Most of the people who knows me can sense that I am really happy, they're happy for me and If you are really happy and on top of the world, it'll show!

But, this week, it was different...
Something went wrong...
Nope, we're not over yet...
I am still holding on...
You shouldn't think that I am the victim here, no i'm not, I am more of the criminal...
My so-called unconditional love breaks out of its shell and became a wanting&needing love!!!
I am the wrong one...
but is it too much to ask for love?

This week, I felt his coldness towards me, tho its only on text messages, any person would know or feel the emotion behind every letter, that form the words...
And I felt the huge difference now from the past few weeks...
There was confrontation over here and there on our mobile phones, and when in person, everything's different! As if nothing's wrong, the passion is still there but when distance creeps in... drama starts to wear me out...
Thank God I have my faithful friends who backs me up in times of grave confussion and heartache...
And they say that communication and trust and all the great words there is must rule our relationship not the negativity in my soul...
And I tried...
But I love to the point that I am hurting inside...
I know he is doin his best too... but we just can't seem to reach each other...
(too much drama)
I went out with my friends last night, and I had some beer and boy I was a bit tipsy again...
prior to this party, we were having some misunderstandings...
And I desperately needed his attention...
But like his previous text replies lately, I recieved nothin but one-liners... like: "Ok", "bahala ka na", "anung gusto mong manyari?"...
With these texts, I feel abandoned, I feel like I am a one-man-gag-show...
Sigh...
They say love is not perfect, but I think love has nothing to do with it, it's the people who use it...
Just this morning, again, no more pride left, I asked him what happened last night, and all he said was... "Bakit?"
I erased his number...
He's still texting me...
Still there...
I am tired...
No more dramas...
I need some time for myself...

Will we ever reach our monthsary?...
Or...
the question is....
do we both want this?
I do...

Then I met my man...

2006-08-12T05:50:00.000+08:00

I never expected that someone will love me like this... I am almost done with love when he came into my life... Now, I am more than complete, and he says that I complete him too... If this is real love and I know that it is, what's next?

Ayun na nga... meron akong milyung-milyong crush sa mundo, pero merong isa na winindang ang buhay ko...
His name is AR, Nursing student din, 3rd yr din, cute din, pero magkaiba kmi ng section; BSN3-1 sya, BSN3-2 ako...
Rodney Angielo...

medyo matagal ko na rin syang crush,pero wala lang sa akin yun, wla lng, crush ko lang sya, hanggang dun na lng un!

•August 4, 2006; 5:00PM...
I was at my classmate's dorm for a brainstorming-like activity, I was in a rush that time because I have an audtion to attend to (I auditioned for our campus' official dance org...luckily, I got in!), I was in a rush... Then, I saw AR... I made some "pagpapa-cute" moves, but I don't think I am getting noticed...but this is the moment... listen...
He was walking along the very narrow hallway of the said dorm, and I was walking right behind him when...
He turned around and gave me the biggest shock of my life!
It was obvious that he felt ashamed of what he did, but to me... it was f*ckin gr8!
That night... a common friend of ours (AR's) sent me a msg,askin for my permission if AR could get my mobile phone number... I replied YES! tho it was my last peso!...
AR texted me...he said hello, but I ran out of credit!... and finally, he said that he was sorry for scarin the hell out of me!;p

•August 5,2006
I am dying to text him,but I waited til my 2nd screening for the campus' official theater was over!(I auditioned again, and I passed! I really wanted to perform on stage!) t'was around 2:30 or 3pm when I started textin him...
And from Dasmariñas, Cavite til Santa Cruz, Laguna... we texted! ;p
And I am no longer single...
I was hesitant at first bout entering a relationship, but what the heck! Go,go,go!

•August 6,2006
"Awayan/tampuhan/lambingan over text"

•August 7,2006; Monday
I went back to Dasmariñas...

•August 8,2006
3Am: He woke me up just to tell me that he'll come over my dorm... so,I fixed up my dorm...
6AM: I woke up the second time,he told me he'll be there that time... i waited, he was still not there! so i went over to wake Fritzie and let out my anxiety!
7am: I saw him waiting outside my dorm... inside my room... we kissed and caressed each other but the move was all done by him, i was just shocked and moving along his passionate expression of "love"...

•August 9,2006
Explosion of Passion! After our class, he went over my place and then...Sex, love and intimacy! We talked about our lives, kissed, held each other's hands, embraced each other and had sex! T'was amazing, and I fell even more to him! After the 4hour wonderful moment, I ate dinner with AR...and escorted him home...

•August 10,2006
"Kahapon lang"... Sex: round2! but this time, it was more meaningful, I am not saying that the other day was not, this time it was because I felt, we both felt and i saw in his eyes that this is not just a game, man, this is love! not a love just to say it is "love" but love... (senseless isn't it? I am not making sense, but seriously, I am feeling it), I've realized my purpose in his life... And I don't want to mess it up! and I can feel that AR feels the same way too! Finally, after continueos hurts from my past, I found the person that compliments me, that inspires me, that makes me beautiful, that see right through my soul and is honestly proud of me...

•August 11,2006
Now: I am typing. And I am
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
in love...
Every love song makes sense, I am smiling alone, I miss him right after he leaves, I greet the people I hate, I look around the campus checking if he's around, boy this is magical!

A-Z

2006-07-12T06:50:00.000+08:00

of L.O.V.E.
Here are the things that crosses my mind about "L" (because I may be in this situation/one way or another) as of this moment and my opinions...

• A-ge: just numbers or essential? what???
• A- tooth for a tooth: I have a question: in love does it have to be equal? i mean, what you give is what you are supposed to get? and vice-versa?
• A-s the 2nd option...: Loving someone as the 2nd choice among your option is fuckin rude, it's unfair right?... if you're the 2nd boy/girl will you love the thought of being the second rate trying hard copycat (Cherry Gil tone)? sigh... "sige na nga!" ;p
• B-estfriends?: Are we reallyjust friends, nothing more, nothing less? What will you do if you realized one day that you have fallin deep in love with your bestfriend? Deal or No Deal?
• C-rush: Normal feeling of a normal person... if you don't have crushes, I pity you... coz it's fun! makes you look & feel young! ;)
• D-reamboy/girl: Hard to find, that's why when you think that he/she is the "1"... you go GAGA over hm/hr!
• F-ools rush in: I am a fool, I admit! That's why i always fail!
• F-orced love: Possible but selfish... You can enter into that relationship but who do you fool? If you're not in-love might as well walk away than giving false assurances to a poor person who only wants to be loved fair and square.
• G-ummy bears, peanut butter, pez, lollipop, chocolate: Everybody loves 'em! They want a piece of him, a bite off her, drool over bitch he's pricey! The competition is brutally intense, cut and bruises...umf1 take that whore! she's mine!Who's gonna won hs/hr ♥?
• I-nfatuation: same as crush.
• L-ove @ 1st site: this is for people who has so much love to give that in just one glance kaboom! magic! fireworx!
• O-bsession: I'm not obsessed, are you?, me?, Fuck! No one's obsessed!... gets the best of you! :lol: Sex obj.+crush+love @ 1st site...gone fuckin mad=Obsession.
• O-ut of site, out of mind: Oh how i wish it is true! ;p Because great love endures physical and tangible separation...
• P-layin' with the player: Hard yet fun? The perfect mortal sin, homicide! You murderer!
• R-"R" 4 regret: as a popular movie line once declared: "Regret is a waste of time"...so... let's waste on!
• S-tandards: Damn these standards that I have, I just have to hate it! But with all fairness...in fairnez (gay tone)... "wala ng standard standards! bulag nga ako pagdating jan sa love no!"
• S-ex obj..: As is! No need to explain further. :p
• T-he staring at the sun contest: Ladies and gents, welcome to the staring at the sun contest, a contest where the contestants stares at the sun and waits for love to come... *yawn* Who will last the joke? is this contest's tag line.

Love, i love talkin bout 8 tho 8's a bit cheezy na... :)

This is the moment

2006-07-09T01:22:00.000+08:00

Last July 4 at Imus Cathedral, Cavite, we had our Capping/Pinning Ceremony. This is one of the highlights in the Nursing profession where we recieved our nameplates, university's logo pin, and the nurse's cap for the females. The ceremony started with the Holy Mass, followed by the actual Pinning/capping rites. I invited both parents to witness my success and boy they were really proud of me and I'm also proud of my achievement. With this ceremony I've realized that I am almost there near my dreams, I'm almost a Nurse... and recently... been asking a lot... do I really want this? It's not that I don't like what I am doing, its just that I am not quite sure if I am fit or if I belong to this field or will I be of great(or even just good) service to others but what can i do? I am here already might as well give my best shot... 2 yrs down, 2 more to go...
After the ceremony the three of us went to "Mall of Asia"...
since the two were rushing to get my father's trip out the country fixed, we have to celebrate things fast! So we ate, then roamed around, inquired at a Travel agency, had our pictures taken, and I bought new jeans! :) I fitted this size 28, but damn! everything was tight! so I bought the size 30 instead. I thought I am slim enough to fit in that 28, umf! O well 30 is not that bad, actaully t'was hot!

I want to post and post, but I can't find time...
One of these days I'll publish a fave topic...
"Love"?
:p
Gusto ko pang mag-post...waaahhh... :'(

Juno

2006-06-23T14:59:00.000+08:00

I think I woke up naked that super early morning of June 22, 2006 as I always do after a long and tiring day, once done taking a shower I sleep clotheless with just one pillow sandwiched between my thighs. After unplugging my cellphone that I left charging overnight and checking the early "greeters", I went back to sleep coz my class is 8am and t'was only 4 in the morning? 4 more hours to exploit! I finally woke up at around 6am? I took a spoonful of extra VCO (extra virgin coconut oil: as a food supplement), did 300 sit-ups, ate 4 slices of "Gardenia: Reg. Loaf" with "Lady's choice: Ham sandwich spread" and the other pair with "Lady's choice: Peanut butter creamy & sweet." (too much with the endorsements!) took a bath and performed my daily ritials of beautification. As far as I'm concerned it's just a regular day for me, its just that I am older now and supposed to be celebrating it!? I came to school this time alone, no friends in sight, and it was almost 8. The moment I entered the room Tetel started chanting a mysterious spell called the "Happy birthday" song. And everybody started greeting me and all warm towards me. And the day passed just like that. I am happy just the same. Actually on that same day, we had this what we call "Ret. Dem." short for return demonstration where we will apply what our profs have discussed on dummies and in time to real patients. On that day, we had Cord care and Neonatal care, you know, stuff you do to a newborn. I missed having a perfect score, I'm not perfect i guess... ;p And yada, yada, yada...
And now to the highlight of the story...
After class, we went to our respective dormitories, said our bye's and see you later's...
So I went up to my dorm alone and put plastic cover on my books, fixed my bag for tomorrow and finished school biz: my simple way of keeping it feel better. what d h?
All of a sudden, after a day of no text msg. coming from her, Fritzie sent me a text msg, saying:
"sbay b tau magdidiner? diner na tau, aga aq m22log eh..."
we normally eat dinner together...
so I replied with:
(I forgot what I said precisely, but I'm sure I agreed.)
So I took a brief shower, put some cologne, and locked my nice necklace around me necky...and I came over to Fritzie's.
So i knocked...
She said:
"teka lang, magbibihis lang ako!"
And I said:
"sige dito lang ako sa labas..."
after I few sec.s I have realized that there is something fishy goin inside that room... they might have prepared a surprise party for me and imagined that a crowd was waiting to jump out to grab the birthday boy!...
So I patiently knocked...
the door slowly opened...
and...
the room was empty...
zero!
no party...
no surprise...
no one, no thing!...
so I stepped inside and, one, two, step...
Fuck!
a row of candles sticking on a cake literally meddled with my vision!
They set me up!
Fritzie, Renzy, Miggy, Celia and Maricel...my dorm buddies/friends/X-classm8s... fulfilled their dark plans to brighten up my special day! :)
O I love that chocolate cake, the mini pizzas and the pancit! It was simple but to me it's a feast!
I was touched and for a few seconds I came in and out of Fritzie's dorm asking: "what the... is this real?"...
Awww....
what a birthday to remember...
We had a blast...
and now I have to blast outta here...
til next time...
:)

P.S.: thanks to those who greeted me, esp. Ate Lica! :)

2nd and 19th

2006-06-22T08:55:00.000+08:00

Wow! Tomorrow would be my nineteenth year of celebrating my existence: my birthday! And on the other day, would be the 2nd year anniversary of "Welcome to Santa Cruz". I don't know what to expect or shall I expect anything? I am kinda sad when I am suppose to be glad and jolly. Why am I not happy? First, come to think of it 19 the last chance of putting the "teen-th" on the end of your age... but now I do not make a huge fuss out of it... tsk... it's just a figure! Second, I am broke I don't know how the hell I can possibly throw a party with my pocket full of air! :p I asked my parents for some cash but they declined... wait! there's a reason...

Reason #1: for this week, wrong timing it is, we 3rd yr Nursing students have to buy PLENTY of paraphernalia that we'll be using in our hospital duty which doesn't come cheap...
Reason #2: my father might be leaving the country within this month therefore he'll need money for his travel...
Reason #3: Our household is full of expenses...
Sigh... The heck! You know what? Again, the heck! I won't waste my time thinking over how tomorrow will be looking! no, no, no! I have to enjoy! Got million of things to be thankful for...
like my "new" cellphone... Nokia 6800... from my mom, we switched units...
and my fab family and friends...
my fantastic life!
and even my empty lovelife, still... ty!
I'm adding up numbers to my age, but do I also add wisdom as well? On that I am doubtful! :)
til next time...
Oh I just miss blogging and the net...
I am sooo F*&%$^ loaded with school biz!
Ciao! Smooch!

Butiki sa ulo?

2006-06-09T06:00:00.000+08:00

Have you guys read my previous posts? Tragedy!
Why o why?
Where's my spunk?
"Pa-lala na ng palala ang pag-ba-blog ko!"... "Lala!"
Do you know the sound a lizard(butiki) makes? The irritating sound?
That's what I can hear in my head whenever I want to post! I mean I have sensible ideas but no not this time...
I'll be back to my normal self... You fellow bloggers inspire me to write better!
I can't wait for school!
I'll be in my white nurse's uniform and I'm a junior now! Thrill!
Maybe if only I can make another cool lay-out for my site maybe just maybe I'll be excited everytime I write?!???

In Those Jeans

2006-05-30T09:11:00.000+08:00

This post should've been my post 6 days ago! Since I wasn't able to go online, I am doin it now.

Fat-O, Stick-O, Fat-O, Stick-O

2006-05-19T05:30:00.000+08:00

Now I am a Fat-ass again... after my year-long work out program... my family and friends say that I am sooo slim to the point that they assume that I am SICK!: suffering from ANOREXIA or BULEMIA or BINGE-EATING DISORDER...(old story that haunts me til now? people called me: "Rustom"... Rustom Padilla... ouch!) they were alarmed due to my contineuos weight dropping!!!

So I ate and ate and ate animalistically...
Now, knowing myself and my body well, I know that I am returning, almost returning to the body size where I decided that I need to loose some weight!

A year ago...
my weight was 75kg, after a year of tremendous effort of workin out...
I became a Slim stick... from 75...down to 60kg... some were shocked out of happiness and most were shocked out of pity+disgust to what I have turned into...
Now from 60 I am back to 65 now and I am a bit alarmed because my "abs" is turning into "fl-abs"! :'(
And plus... they said that I need to regain back my "fats" to cope up with the demands in working in the hospital as a student nurse...
I don't know what to do! Fat-O, Stick-O?
I'm still working out tho...and I don't think I can live without sweatin out...
but I eat normal as well...because before I don't eat "normal" just to stay slim...

My idea of slim-ness is when I don't have fat deposits in my body jiggling while I walk around... :)

And to make sense of my non-sense, if you think you need to loose some pounds... YOU CAN! take it from me, I know! All it takes is a good work-out prog. + proper diet + the most important thing is ur inner "DRIVE" to body perfection! and oh DISCIPLINE too!

-I apologize, my pathetic ideas are just stupid?! ;p... don't get bugged... this is just how I think!? :)

The Marriage of Music and Life

2006-05-12T19:28:00.000+08:00

Now that I am finally enjoying my summer vacation...
Reading my so,so long ago bought virgin book and listening ti Kiki's I-pod are my latest digs...
My new read: "One hundred years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Bernal.
My most fave songs: "S.O.S." by Rihanna (just makes me jiggle my hips while washing the plates and kitchen utensils?),
Love on the Run by Chicane 'thanks to Jade for the introduction' (oh love...always running away from me)...
and maybe -Mine again by M.C.
I love Chris Brown's songs too! like Yo! and Say goodbye... :)
And thanks to Jadey... I am enjoying House again...

Celebrate good times, C'mon!

2006-05-07T11:52:00.000+08:00

I am soooo happy!
Our Summer class is over and done, tho I am not quite sure if I passed or failed... I'm just glad that 6 weeks of hard labor has finally reached its finish line! :)
And one more month to go and I'll be experiencing hospital duties... anxious yet uberly thrilled! I want to wear that white uniform right after its distribution on ,I don't know when maybe on our enrollment all I know is that I can picture myself so clean and smart-looking on the uniform...
I've waited two-long years for that day to arrive and now my dream is figuratively and literally at my reach! wooohooo! :)
And another soon-to-come event is my 3rd year blog anniversary! Wow! My blogging is influenced by my college life...
which means...
I have come a long way! from being a timid,chubby,illusive freshman to a somehow friendly,leaner,open incoming junior, okay a junior.
And last but not the least...
I'll be turning 19 on June 22!
older but not wiser... I prefer dumber?! it is much fun to hear:)
And since it has been an annual event, I'll throw a simple birthday party this year at my teeny-weeny rat hole I call dorm! :) I hope all my friends will fit in! :)
booze, chit-chat, jokes, food! wow!

What to do, what to do?
I feel like a prisoner that just got out of jail! Now it is really official, it is Summer time... fun under the sun! :)
But after a month of relaxation... the work will be raised triple!
I am this close (---------) to being a full-pledged nurse...
Release one BIG GRIN =D

Where's my "Tall, Dark and uhm... fuck! Whatever!"?

2006-05-04T06:00:00.000+08:00

I am still on the search for my prince or princess...
And damn I'm so wasted just waiting!
Tho I am so wanting for him or her...
I surrender as of now!!! right now, today, this very moment in time and space!!!with both hands up I totally surrender! :)
What i mean is that I am tired of constantly flirting with the wrong people, courting the dumbest and narrow-minded whores and fucking with a guy I don't like...
I'll just sit up in my room... (like Brandy's song)
Besides I really don't know the essence of having "IT"... a special someone... a boyfriend or a girlfriend...
I heard some of my friends' stories and all the magic and wonders having "IT" can bring... and I want it too but it's just not happening to me...
I somehow know that I am a bit hard to get along with, I don't have a job to spend some lovin' and some other alibis I can use to cover up my pathetic sudden dislike to the a part of the context we call "LOVE"...
I SURRENDER!!!
for now...
no more flirting, hooking-up, and stuff related to the latter....
ONE BIG STUPID SIGH FOR A BIG STUPID BITCH...
I want a goldfish in a fishbowl to see how sad it is to be swimming alone in a fucking empty container and to speed up my sleep! :)
I need to sleep this one! :P

Syringe and its needle

2006-04-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

Ano na? Kamusta na ang blog ko?

When was my last issue posted? March?
Oh well, I'm a very busy person! :)
My chosen course which is Nursing ate all my spare time alloted specially for leisure purpose...

to be continued....

my time is up! (Internet cafe)

sige na nga, extend pa ng unti....

What's new in my life?

>I'm almost done with my summer classes, my subjects? FUNDAMENTALS OF NURSING & NUTRITION
>Crushes and fantazies?: Plenty as usual! :)
>our batch was re-shuffled for the 2nd time and so far, I love the new faces!
>one week to go and I'm done, woohooo Summer here I come!
>I'll be wearing a white Nurse's uniform at last! because I'm ALMOST a 3rd yr student, officially a Junior!

and more blah,blah,blahs....

I goota go...

I missed u ol!

I passed!

2006-03-28T17:08:00.000+08:00

I passed the BATTERY EXAMS for Nursing...
I am so happy!!!
I am still in it!
All the hard work!!!
Yohoo!

To everyone who supported me with my blogging...

Thank you for the support and love...
Don't assume that i'll leave! :)
I think I need extra time to really focus on my studies...
that will eat a lot of time writting here...
I'll just see you when I see you...
Thanks guys...

Ewan ko lang kung di ka matawa dito...

2006-03-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

I assume you've recived this e-mail before too...
But whatever the case may be...
Tumawa na lang tayong lahat!

Boyfriend to Girlfriend, na may LQ: What do you take me for?! Granted?
Guard, answering the telephone: Hello?... Ah yes, for a while. Please hang yourself.

Starlet in an interview: If the odds are against me, then I will against them.

Inday Badiday asks a starlet about her mother's burial:
Inday: Kumusta ang libing ng nanay mo?Starlet: Successful naman po.

Army officer to cadet: "Do you know why I ask you to stand?" "No, sir." "Ok, why?" (anlabo!)

Teacher to students: Baka gusto nyong ibilad ko kayo sa covered courts.

Teacher: Class, I want you to watch sex scenes.Class: What?! Teacher!Teacher: What's wrong? It's a beautiful film starring Bros Welles! (Bruce Willis)
Class: Aah, Sixth Sense!
Sa isang examination:
Student: Mam, pwedeng gumamit ng liquid paper?Teacher: Ang kulit naman! Sinabi nang pad paper lang eh.

After the examination:
Teacher: Okey, time is up. One, two, three. Come your papers to me!
A reporter interviews a politician about the Philippine economy.
Politician says: Talagang mahirap ang buhay natin ngayon. Pero slow by slow, we will success!

Teacher: Sorry, class. I'm late. My mother died three years ago. And now she's dead.
Heard in a fastfood chain:
Yaya: Ma'm, gusto po ni Mark ng KIDNEY MEAL!

Teacher: What is ur name?
Student: Dell.Teacher: What is ur old?
In a restaurant:
Waiter: Sir, How do you want your egg?Customer: Side in, side out.
Mom interviews her daughter's suitor:
Mom: What's your course?
Suitor: Geo po (for geology).
Mom: Ahhh... Geo-rnalism. Ok yan.

Teacher to students: Okay, form two straight circles and find your height alphabetically!
Teacher to students: Okay class, it's time to go home. Form a line and pass out slowly.
Angry teacher to student: I want you to bring your father and your mother, especially your parents, understood?! Bring them tomorrow in front of me, right here, right now!
Emcee, in a party: The next song is the favorite song of my best friend, and neither do I!
Posted in an establishment: None ID, nothing entry.
Teacher: Oy, magdala kayo ng chip ahoy a.
Student: Miss may "s" yon...
Teacher: A, sorry. Chip ahoys!

Two lousy-in-english friends talking to each other:
Friend 1: Am I raining outside?Friend 2: Not yet. Sprinkle only

I cried

2006-03-07T04:03:00.000+08:00

But I don't cry unless I am so emotional and about to burst out!?
The last time I cried was September last year and it was because I realized during our "Recollection" that I became a total Satanic bitch! While talking to Him, I just found myself crying...
Yeterday I cried big time!
Why?
School is a huge fuck, I am doing my very best but still my grades are flat line of 8's or even 7's which somewhat unfair! but what can I do? Professors just compute grades and students make the grades, right?
School work here and there, deadlines now or tomorrow... it just drives me nuts!!!
FUCK THE WORLD!!!
There were times I just loose myself and panic and gasp for air and stop and withdraw!
And now I'm a convinced that "Nursing" is not a joke! (well to some, it is a joke). And that there's more, this is just a "sneak-peek" of what's to come...
Then fulfillment and joy lifts my spirit up after each finished school requirements.
Sigh... The extremes of being a student...
Yesterday was the last day of our "Community Exposure". This is one school requirement where a small portion of a depressed rural community will be introduced to us(my classmates) and we will each adopt a family.
How did my day start yesterday? It started with a huge surpirse!

For the past 5 weeks, I enjoyed every meeting with my adopted family, the Dizon family....

Lost Princes

2006-03-02T09:00:00.000+08:00

I joined this online hook-up service for gay men about three or so months ago, “Guys 4 men”. Why did I join? Maybe because I am longing for someone or let’s say something I do not know. Recently, I found myself very busy flirting with strangers! I viewed profiles, received and sent messages of hi and hellos. And I never expected or even thought that my computer-generated existence would become a real life array!
Okay let’s take this slow. One web-surfing day at the school library, checking my “guys 4 men” account, I received a shocking message from someone saying he wants a “SEB”, together with his message was his contact number. Man was it so straight forward! During that time, I do not have a mobile phone yet, a good reason to ignore what I have read.

SEB (Sex Eyeball) - “eyeball” per se is a term used by long-distance newly-met friends or acquaintances meaning “to meet in person”. Sex eyeball on the other hand is a not so regular meeting because you will meet with your so-called friend to have sex.

February 19, 2005, Sunday, I bought a cell phone. One night using my new cell phone, I gave him a ring. He then asked who it was and I said I was the one he invited for a SEB. We had a major misunderstanding. He kept on insisting that we should meet at Santa Cruz, Laguna(I really don't want to meet anyone back at Santa Cruz! I don't want to endanger my family's rep!). And I thought that he was the guy from Santa Rosa, Laguna so I did suggest for him to come over here at Dasmariñas, Cavite thinking that it would be more convinient for the both us, Santa Rosa is near Cavite, he won't have to spend a lot to travel and since my dorm can set as our "motel". Not knowing what was really goin' on, an argument fired up until he decided to stop texting me! I was saddened! It was a chance in a lifetime and I blew it all up! But I won't let that stay unresolved for long! I am dying to wipe off me "single" status! So I texted him over and over and over! After days and nights of explanations... he replied atlast!
We decided to meet... at Santa Cruz!!!

Before we finally met each other is another huge drama! The end of the story is we did it!
The drama factors are:
1. my cell phone is fucking malfunctioning! The only way for us to communicate... effectively.
2. I was attending a family affair that night and my presence is greatly expected.
3. my pocket is empty. No cash no gimmik!
4. I was so NERVOUS!!!

During the party (The family gathering I was attending to was my grandfather's 60th or so birthday celebration at my uncle's mansion), a miracle happened! I am now free to attend to my sinful plan! My uncle and aunt brought me to their clinic to give me a vaccine for Hepa-B (I know this is so weird but it did happen) and after I recieved the dose, they dropped me off at our house. At home and alone finally, I

Usapang Puso

2006-02-13T19:25:00.000+08:00

Puso, puso, puso, utu-uto, madaling mabilog. Kayo ba ganito rin pagdating sa pag-ibig? Madali ba talagang umibig? Hay... ewan! Valentines day na bukas, at heto ako, single. Pero ano ba namang masama sa pagiging single. Eto nga yung issue ko eh! Gustong gusto kong pumasok sa isang relasyon... masabi na lang na "for the 1st time" naging "taken" ako. O masyado lang akong nageenjoy sa pag-de-daydream na nakikipag-lampungan ako sa taong mahal ko... May misteryo ba ang pag-ibig? Masyado na ata akong nalulunod.

(ipagpapatuloy...)

Aeon Flux

2006-02-10T03:40:00.000+08:00

Another kewl Futuristic Sci-Fi film! Last Friday while I was watching MTV, I bumped into a featured animation with weird graphics. I didn't know what I was watching, but i kept on watching and watching and I really liked it, then i found out that I was watching "Aeon Flux"! It's a Matrix-like movie with its visions but it's not worth the comparison or I mean they are two unique films that serve audiences with extraordinary unusual stuff. I can't wait to watch here in the Philippines! I am dying to see Charlize Theron as "Aeon Flux"!!!
Here, visit their official website, it's all 'Flash'! I hope you'll like too!
AeonFlux.com

Where's Stupid Cupid when I need him the most?

2006-02-08T08:09:00.000+08:00

February, February, February...
The "Love" month...
Dunno what to say...
I'm single...
and proud of it!...
Oh Cupid just grant me my wish...
Why am I feeling so lazy and why can't I come up with a nice post? tho I really don't make nice posts...
I'm goin' home it's cold here in the school library.
I'm done with flirting with my "on-line dating friends".
When will be able to say this: "I had a great time falling in-love with you"?
I am hungry and sleepy.

Sinful Solitude

2006-01-26T10:48:00.000+08:00

I have a very personnal story to share... I'll edit this one once I escape from my horrible school work!

Synopsis:

One friday night, I found myself alone in our dorm, lonely and bored with a camera phone... immorality flourished...

to be continued...

this story is not the usual "Juno" post...

???

February 4, 2006; 3:20PM
----------------The Continuation----------------

This is a very personal post. I am not asking for your opinion, I am just here to be a writer and write about my life. But if you really want to say something, say it nicely. Read on!

One Friday night (January 27, 2006: 8:00PM), I came home and the dorm was empty. This is the day of the week where I usually get the chance to be left alone for long hours undisturbed. Since I am the only one that has classes the next day, I have to stay home. But I am always alert for a look-out especially for the sound of motors of tricycles roaring a few blocks away; it might be one of my dorm mates! Gian, my older brother comes home every Friday, and the couple, Mae and Ben, just goes some place and comes back very late! And Mae’s occasional pest sister, Mahal, leaves every Friday too. In short, the dorm is mine! And what was my first instinct? Pap-pap-pap-party!!! I just played some hip hop beats in the PC and grooved with the bass booming for the first few minutes of being alone. Then in the middle of my “sweatin’ out” moment, I heard a voice calling at the doorstep. And to my surprise, it was Ben’s younger sister. I didn’t expect to see her, and the fact that she rarely visits our place. She came over just to drop by his “kuya’s” cell phone and found me all sweaty attending to her needs which was quite embarrassing. Wait, you might ask, “who is Ben, Mae and Mahal?” I’ll tell you later on one of my future posts, maybe on March or April. So moving on, where were we? Yes, the mobile phone! At first I ignored its presence thinking that “the computer is on and I’m doing nothing, hey there’s a tiny camera phone with Bluetooth capabilities and we have a little Bluetooth dongle as well, I may take some teeny-weeny pictures and post it on the cute www”, but that was just a thought and placed it on top of our T.V. Though I know it is wrong to play with other people’s property, my discipline failed me and immorality ruled! I have this “for adults only” Friendster account where I flirt with straight, not so straight and everything in between kind of guys. And I envy all their “way-beyond-the-clause-of-arts-it’s-more-of-a-porno-kinda-stuff” pictures. I already have a “sluttish” picture in my account but I don’t think it’s magnetic enough to fish all the “hot” guys and pimp me. Given the solitude, I have sinned! There’s the title: “Sinful Solitude”. Slowly, my clothes flew off, some snapshots here and some snapshots there with a little twist and some bend and a horny stare. Then I found myself naked in my room masturbating in front of the lens. After I came and a dozen of photos taken, I rushed to the sink to wash my dirty, filthy, obnoxious hands. When I was about to stop the entire exhibitionist acts, I heard a tricycle unloading passengers outside our gates, and it was Mae and Ben! And I am still naked with Ben’s phone in my hand and the PC still on with only the screensaver displayed! I quickly went inside my room! Busted! I am so busted! Then Mae started calling, “Juno… Juno… Juno…” Fuck! I am dead meat! It took me a few minutes before I did something to respond to Mae’s calls. I jumped and jumped and cursed myself to death inside our bedroom! But that will not help me, I have to open the door as soon as possible or else! So I wrapped my towel went out and opened the door! I was so tensed that time my heart beating crazy! The only thing I remembered Mae saying was “ay naliligo ka pala”, I responded with a nervous, short and low-toned laugh and hurried back in the comfort of my room. Still with a strong pressure pumping in my head, I heard Mae comment “yuck” while washing something in the sink which added to my worries, thinking that my pimp juice could be scattered on the sink. Gross! I felt weak all through out my body! And continued cursing myself! I saw Ben’s phone on my bed, what should I do with it? He is not supposed to see the other side of me. Being familiar in using SonyEricsson phones, I deleted all my pictures in a flash, and there was no double-checking for any trace! After I finished my job erasing all my shit, find the right time when both of them are away from the computer. I heard Ben went outside the garage and Mae taking a bath. Then, I went out my room, turned off the PC and placed the phone on top of the PC table beside the keyboard and went back inside again. I felt so wrong that night. I listened meticulously to the words that they said out of my paranoia. But I was so tired! I just put on my clothes, lie on my bed and let things pass naturally. I quickly fell asleep.
I simply didn’t want to go back to our dorm after that incident! Who would? But I have to! Questions haunted me like: “did I successfully erase all the pictures?”, “what’s going inside the minds of Mae and Ben?” “did Mae share the story?” For days I felt so awkward and it was obvious it was showing in my actions towards Mae, Ben and Mahal. I no longer have the guts to face them! I gave them a cold shoulder. Thank God Gian was there to ease my guilt! I confided and he took it very well. Some weeks after, it seems that my scam was safe. The only person who knows about this is Gian and you. Three weeks have passed and everything is back to normal, is it really?

Old Fun Stuff

2006-01-20T08:47:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.

Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.

You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.

You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

You Are A Jealous Ex

You're not quite over your past, and you are hurt that your ex is moving on

You're no longer in love, but you're not done with being pissed

Jealous of any happiness that comes your ex's way, you still can't let go

What Type of Ex Are You?

You Are Japanese Food

Strange yet delicious.

Contrary to popular belief, you're not always eaten raw.

What Kind of Food Are You?

You Are a Kogyaru!

If it's cute, you'll wear it. Fake and bake, hair bleach, and bright makeup line your bathroom cabinet.

As for clothes - anything that's short and cute ("kawaii!").

You are the prize object of all sorts of men - but you are really looking for a rich foreign guy.

He'll find you out hanging out in Shibuya shopping at the 109, text messaging and sending photos over your cellphone.

What's Your Japanese Subculture?

Your Birthdate: June 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated.

You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way.

People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little.

Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know.

Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true

Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid

Your power color: Silver

Your power symbol: Square

Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Are The Godfather Ice Cream

Someone crosses you, and they'll end up with a scoop of this in their bed

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

You Are Apple Pie

You're the perfect combo of comforting and traditional

Those who like you crave security

What Kind of Pie Are You?

Your Inner Child Is Scared

Like a kid, you tend to shy away from new experiences.

You prefer what's tried and true - novelty is scary!

New foods, new places, and new friends are difficult for you to deal with.

Some say you're predictable, but you enjoy being comfortable.

How Is Your Inner Child?

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not!

Your idea job: gigolo. Or naked cowboy.

The Underwear Oracle

Your Japanese Name Is...

Takai Gosetsuke

What's your Japanese Name?

Your Seduction Style: The Charmer

You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.

You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.

By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.

And then you've got them exactly where you want them!

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Pesto Pizza

Adventurous and hedonistic.

You live for new experiences and tastes

And you're not the type to have your pizza the same way twice

If they can put it on pizza, you're up for trying it!

What's Your Pizza Personality?

Popular Kid

In high school, everyone knew your name - even if you didn't know theirs.

In fact, your still skating by on your looks and charm. Nothing wrong with that!

Who Were You In High School?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.

Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor

Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer

Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer

Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.

You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.

You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.

You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.

Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.

You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.

You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Stop Thinking

2006-01-18T11:41:00.000+08:00

I just want to stop thinking right now!
My mind is clouded with thoughts that I don't want to handle...
how's my grades at school?
when will I meet the right person for me?
what will my post be about?
when will we be able to get out of our fucking dorm and get away from our opportunistic dormates?
when will my iPod arrive?
what will happen this Valentine's day?
should I stop searching for a lover?
act Straight or gay?
eat more or eat less?
coffee or tea or none of the above?
wake up early or wake up late?
express how I really feel or hide & think before doing it?
should I fall for a friend or not?
sleep now or later?
study or sleep or what?
what? what? what?
Am I so negative or what?
Are you annoyed reading my blog right now or you'll still continue on?
Am I ugly?
what matters most the face or brain or heart?
how many questions can I make?
I'm in love, am I or am I not?
are you in love?
with whom?
I'm sorry for asking that?
Yes I am! am I?
what time is it?
My head hurts!
Stop thinking!
Am I in love with Fritzie?
or with Jot?
why did I typed this?
why am I typing these stuff?
this is a secret, is it still a secret now?
how will Fritzie and Jot react to this?
am I doomed?
I have a choice, do I?
to post or not to post?
to be or not to be that is the question.
should I post this or not?
I am so stupid for saying that I love Fritzie or Jot!
I kept my feelings for Fritzie for a long time and now what?
how about Jot?
he's my close friend, is he?
Fritzie and Jot, do you believe my post?
Dontcha!
how are you reacting now?
I'm so stupid I told you these.
how many money left in my allowance?
I wanna stop thinking and typing and living, and I just wanna rest for just a while!
do I still have time for my homeworks and projects?
should I go home now to our fucking dorm?
what's for dinner?
I'm hungry, am I?
Is this my longest post ever?
Yes or no?
what is the cure for headache?
Stop thinking when your head is achin!
and I can't breathe too! Don't worry bout me I'm not gonna die yet...
I still have 900,085,985,876,000,324,132,324,343,543,534,534.00 questions left!
do I have the time to post them all?
I want to cry...really?
Okay now I am creepy!
am I?
stop, in the name of love before you brake my heart!
do you like that song?

I'm going home.

Actually, I have a romantic post for today, but I can't seem to finish it and the words just won't come out or be typed. Oh, well, that's a life of a blogger, sometimes you just don't know what to post and the real life just can't be typed in a small entry box...I'm tired...
I have to relax and unwind or else people will think that I am nuts!

bye.

F*#% S^?! B\+&" d@=|

2006-01-13T04:35:00.000+08:00

I am so desperate to make an "All Original Template" for my blog, for years, I've been just editing pre-made templates for this site, copying other people's creativity and injecting it here. For a change, I decided to strive hard to be original. I've visited all the self-help websites, cheatsheets, and the likes just to come up with an impressive blog, but I'm a failure!
I have so many dreams for my blog, how it would look like and how I would give people the ultimate blogging experience at its finest stuff. None of them materialized! F*#% S^?! B\+&" d@=|
How can this make me so sad? Juno, sad over an undone template? So lame.
I feel so down. I want this blog to stand out with its appearance eventho the posts are lousy and unintelligent.
I want to give up blogging but, I simply can't. I've spent hundreds of hours fixing this F*#% S^?! B\+&" d@=| so I won't give up the fight!
Can I cry now?
No, can I bang head to the wall?
No! I think I shall jump off the ledge from the 4th flr.
P.S. I'm not mentally ill yet, just bothered that's all...

60...60...60...poof!...65!!!

2006-01-04T14:23:00.000+08:00

After eating like a pig for three long weeks... from 60kg, I gained 5 more kg!
I enjoyed the holidays... simple family celebration for both Christmas and New Year.
I'm waiting for my iPod! My aunt told me that she'll buy me one as a gift. Can't wait!
And I'm designing my new template right now. Can't wait more!

Hello I'm a TURKEY

2005-12-09T08:43:00.000+08:00

I'm so thin, and I know, I'm aware of it.
Everybody told me, from my family and friends and people who really know me, long ago that I look way too thin than before because they know that I'm that cute chubby tall guy hanging around places. but I ignored all of them, thinking that it's my body don't manipulate me I'm not a puppet, I need liberty, the hell you care if I'm thin as long as I'm not bothering you and as long as I'm happy..."fuck off and mind your own bizniz!"
Slowly, I realized that my way of thinking became different, my lifestyle, diet, daily routine, health changed.
But still, I'm stubborn Juno.
One weekend over our house, while I was lying watching TV, my mom sat beside the bed and felt and saw my hipbone which was sticking out and reacted negatively. Her sentiment was, she trusted me that I was taking good care of my health when I'm away, and that she's with me through all this weight-loss process as long as I'm not neglecting myself. But she's fed up! She wanted me to wake up to reality that I'm underweight and psychologically disturbed. And I somehow know that. And she made a deal:
If I don't gain 5kg by Christmas and another few pounds after it...she'll pull me out of my university and drop me somewhere close to Santa Cruz and study there!
Knowing that Nursing is my dream and that to graduate in a BIG university means so much to me, she subjected me to her Christmas Turkey Camp!
Now, I'm eating appropriately, I don't super starve myself anymore, and I give in to my hunger pangs and I don't over excercise too. I'm not doing this for anyone, I'm doing this for myself.

Rachelle's beside me!

2005-11-25T03:20:00.001+08:00

I hope I'm not blushing or sweating too much, because Rachelle is beside me. Who is Rachelle? Rachelle is a fellow nursing student, a year ahead, and beautiful. Val, my classmate knows her because they're both playing (well, Val used to play, but sadly, she's out now) for our(university) Women's Basketball Team and it's funny, I had a crush on her before. And it's also weird because, I know I'm not straight. So to think of a not-so-straight guy to get attracted to a girl, that's a different thing. Therefore, she's really magnetic. But that was just it. I am amazed to her pretty face and that's all, period.
Speaking of hearts, When was the last time I checked my 'heart'? Who was inside it? How's my heart doing now? Is it still beating or is at all lifeless now? After the tragic parting ways with my classmates, I had a hard time coping up with changes, and it made me act, think, and feel pathetic towards many situations, I lost my appetite with life(but not that serious, like, for example, I don't eat anymore[tho I am a bit "anorexic-looking" now] or that I drag myself to move from different places, hell no! it's just that I'm a bit morbid now and people can really sense it!) and that includes my lovelife. I somehow agree with the part of me saying that "I'm such a loser", telling me to "go get life', and "move on!". Now Fem, he is gone, literally and figuratively, everything is over between us. As I've said over and over, my heart misses my freinds, those people that touched and changed my life dramatically. And I specially miss certain people like Jot, Renzy, and most specially Fritzie and a lot more. And I've realized that my a semi-huge part of my heart is their territory!
Since that reshuffling thing, I've been cold somehow til now. The people that gets the best of you suddenly got shed off. Tho we still see each other from time to time, the new days can't surpass the old days with my friends!
Am I okay? I'm doing just fine.

Dealing with changes

2005-11-09T06:42:00.000+08:00

I have to deal with new people, my new classmates to be exact. I have to deal with a new classroom, on the 4th floor(climbing 20+ steps for each floor level, a huge favor for me as an early leg exercise) of our new university building. I have to deal with having less time to spend with my old classmates whom I love because we have a new schedule different from each other, a 100% sure way to leave us in perfect isolation. I hate to deal with these new things, but what can I do? It seems like everyone is okay with this "reshuffle" thing. I'm a bit anti bout it! Moving on...

Saved!

2005-10-22T07:43:00.000+08:00

The University's policy for retention is to pass all minor subjects(75 or above), major subjects(80 or above), and have a dose of Hepatitis vaccine. Anatomy is a major subject.

Anatomy was a huge challenge for me this semester. I have to pass this subject at any cost and have to give my best shot because if I don't, I'll fail. I passed the Prelims(80.03), got overconfident and failed the Midterms(76.96), and for the Finals, I needed to work twice as hard as Prelims(83 or above).

My family was worrying about me, of course they want me to pass and graduate as a La Sallian. This year, I can say that we are in a financial crisis, and for me to fail in a school where a regular "Juan De la Cruz" can't obviously afford is irresponsible and unfair. I don't want to brake my parents' heart. To see my mother and father's faces if they learn that I failed would definitely crush me into pieces. I don't want that to happen, that's why I worked really hard for the last time, and I know I'll pass this challenge!

Earlier, we recieved our class cards. The first five grades was surprisingly good, mostly average. And immediately followed by Anatomy! Our professor started calling out names and distributing our class cards... "Lamar", she announced. I moved in front with all excitement and fear rolled in to one, but can't hardly focus on what was happening around me. The moment I recieved it, I went to the back of the room, flipped it over, and checked out my grade. I wanted it fast and swift, no more one or two second... 80.06! I jumped and shouted over and over, because I can't imagine that I really passed, the thought couldn't sink in tho I know that I deserve this. The happiness that I had swallowed me for a few minutes making me selfish and naive to the feelings of some of my classmates who failed and was really hurting because of what happened. I lost 5 (or may even become 6) of my classmates, and they became really dear and close to me. I found out later that they're not shattered about it but somehow they are sad but can still manage. That's life.

Now that God has given me this chance, I'll make the most out of everything. Things will get serious from now on, but not boring serious.

I can't wait to get home!

I passed Anatomy & Phisiology!

We Won!

2005-10-11T04:49:00.000+08:00

As of 1:15PM, October 10, 2005 we (BSN2-7) are officially the second runner-up in the first ever year-level "Stage Play" contest. Thank God! We won! We have this final requirement, a stage play, in Literature 101 (I'm not sure if it's 101 or 102 or 201 or 202). What's at stake? If we'll do the play with 7 other sections, we have to take the risk: if we lose we'll take the final exams and if we won no exams for us and to add more twist, we have this second choice: we can disagree to act on stage but we have to divide our section into 6 groups and make a movie. We chose the first option because we wanted to have a chance to bond with each other and also for the thrill of joining in a huge competition. This activity tested us if we are really Nursing students or we're just pretending to be one but we are really theater performers. For so many weeks we've been planning to give the crowd an awesome show! We had these departments like my department: costume/hair & make-up which I'm the boss and I'm also with Fritzie and Neil Ann. We chose to have a Tagalog script entitled: "Ang Misteryo..." (I don't know the next words). Our story is about Egg cell A & B with their partners Sperm cell A & B. Two sides of the story inside a woman's womb. The joy of conception and the horror of abortion. To cut this story short, we gave our best in this play and a lot of hard work, hard work, hard work and more hard work! I also appeared on stage as the humper with Neil Ann. Don't worry, I'll try to show the video as soon as possible or if it's available. Another unbeatable performance, an unbreakable chain of success! Success!!!

The Recollection

2005-10-06T08:16:00.000+08:00

BSN27 (Bachelor of Science in Nursing year2 section7) my second home, the people that witnessed my growth for the past one and a half year, the people whom I've shared myself with, the people who accepted me, and the greatest source of my happiness and inspiration.

What's a Reco?

Reco or Recollection is a school activity usually practiced by Catholic schools.

Well, you can also get an idea from the word itself, recollection. Recollection of your past experiences and stuff about you. An experience where you'll have a chance to examine yourself, your life for the past few years, and also a vacation-like event with God.

We(BSN27) had an overnight Reco.

Our Reco started yesterday: 4 0r 5pm, we left the university at around 3pm...
And it ended just today, maybe at around 12 or 1pm... after we arrived here at our campus, (2:??pm) Madel & I rushed here in the library to surf the net...

Special moments:

I cried.
Fritzie cried which is a totally weird thing. She's not a petrified rock-hard stone after all.
JT is my roomate.
Our class opened up thanks to the open forum! Everyone got a chance to speak out about how they feel towards the class, the people they hate and like in the class, and were also able to say their thank you's and goodbye's. Some cried and some laughed. It was a mixed emo experience.
My emotions about Fem exploded. I mentioned my pain bout him in the open forum tho I didn't mention his name, he was semi-clueless that he was the one I'm talking about. So, somehow I felt frustrated again.
Fem & I talked earlier at the Reco house about us with the help of my classmates, they bridged our gap. We're now okay. I am okay now. I'm free! No more bitterness!
I had a sincere and honest confession. And attended a liturgy mass with the whole class. I feel close to God again.

In short, our Reco was a refreshing experience, I don't know if that's what my classmates feel, but t'was to me.

I missed blogging.

I am so busy right now! ;p

note: My original post got erased... I have to write a new one all over again, this was the new version.

1 word

2005-09-24T02:47:00.000+08:00

Busy.

10 SEX Q's

2005-09-07T05:00:00.000+08:00

I'll try to add more questions...
Inside our classroom, Fritzie, Jot, Lexi, and some of our classmates talk about sex often now. Sex is such a fun topic, isn't it? Well, my post is not so wise and intelligent discussing sex.
I'll just ask you guys some things about sex and such.
You may or you may not answer the following questions below.
And may I be personal with my questions?

Q 1: Your great sex fantasy (the place, partner(s), position :-p, theme)?

Q 2: When having sex, lights on or lights off?

Q3: What's more important performance or size? (4 girls only)

Q 4: What's more okay, having sex with the one you love or with someone you just adore for one main reason: lust?

Q 5: The best "olympic" position ever?

Q 6: In favor of oral sex?

Q 7: (for those who've done it already) do you feel guilty after you made love?

Q 8: In favor of sex toys to enhance the game?

Q 9: Slave or master? Choose...

Q 10: Would you do anything (crazy, and out-of-this-world) just to satisfy your lover...and in the end satisfying yourself too?

For comments and suggestions, drop by my comments sexion...
:-)

Juno's Present

2005-09-03T07:19:00.000+08:00

This is a post dedicated to me by me. About my life at present.

Every Mondays thru Saturdays, I usually wake up at around 4 in the morning or sometimes 5. Why so early you might ask? I have a 7 AM class every Mondays and Wednesdays, and 8 for the other days.
Well, right after I wake up, I practice a one-hour Yoga routine. So, less one hour.

The two hours are for my breakfast and bath. Oh! And I forgot to mention here that we have a new dorm again, this time it's a house, and we're four now! Me, Kiki, Mae and Ben.

Then, I walk out our subdivision for 15 minutes. And have to ride a jeep to school for a minute or two which costs P6. Actually, I can walk all the way to school, but I'm shy to walk on the side of the highway alone.
So, inside the university stories...
I have a ROCKIN' SCHOOL LIFE!!!

Cool classmates, cool subjects, cool environment (literally).
At school, I really laugh hard all day so much that when I get home I fart continously.
With my friends, classmates, everyone in the class exept for Fem.
Eat a lot inside our classroom cause we're allowed to.

and look at mirror scattered around

check my face, my lip, my hair.
on my lips
on my hair
And nothing on my face...
My current scent
my current bag: a black messenger bag from my kuya, notebook: a black binder (they're not the real ones but they'll do)
What else?
Back to the story...
Our different classes per day lasts for about 9 hours min. and 11 hours max.
And after a long day at school...
More "harutan moments" with classmates along the corridors...
Sometimes, before we walk home, Fritzie , Renzy, Madel(occassionally), and Juno eat some street foods outside.
I walk home with Fritzie & Renzy.
Then, I'm home at our dorm.
More fun with my crazy dormates/housemates.
Dinner.
T.V.
study, study, study...
End of the long day.

BATH DREAM FANTASY SHOWER

2005-08-29T08:05:00.000+08:00

Nude, naked, bare, unclothed
My skin to the chilled bathroom tiles
This is the morning’s birth
First new drops, renew me, flow

Outside, the music carries me in a trance
I am still inside alone
Tired eyes, eyelids shut close
Hold on tight, this is quite a ride

I’m standing here, you on the other end
Closer, nearer, your body warmer
Flesh to flesh, soul to soul
Two become one.

I cupped your breasts religiously
Your lips grazed my being
Legs widespread, hearts wide-open
Fingers intertwined, back and forth, we glide
Please do not let go of this dream embrace
I will offer eternity just for this intense moment
My mind is my only friend
Passions to gleaming, exploding fireworks
A desperate fantasy, its actuality is faint.

In my thoughts, you, your body, are my god.
Will this fantasy ever come to life?
If yes, can I pay the price?
Consequences, they will conquer and rise

You damned courage pushed me
All I wanted was a lie to shine its truth
That faithful night when I poured out my all
Yes, your ears they were open
My words, music to you forever
Luckily, you listened
However, tragically, I was murdered
Strangled by your unfair and selfish dialogues

Sorry for damaging a piece of you
Caused by actions rooted from a silent hurt
Truly, you should hear my sorry
But I deserve to possess your apology
The fluid of my wrong leaked down my thighs
The warmth I can feel, from my knees
to my far extending shank
On my feet, on the bathroom floor
In a circle it rushed, flushed down the drain

When will everything receive their dots?
It is time to get out
And open my vision back to reality
Rinse all these great thoughts

I made the bathroom moist full of sweat
I must confess I am weary of this
But whenever I step outside,
I thought I could forgive you,
then I see you, you are there.
Making me feel, showing me, that I’m a joke
Anger, they stir up all again,
Flashes of the light from the night you broke my heart,
I will be unstoppable in hating you
Devastating you, for devastating me

Forgiveness may not be ours today
But things are entitled to their death
Possible, this can be washed away
Sorry, give me time, not now, not today

After a long bath, water showered and all
We’ll be clothed by a new love
I’ll be clothed by it
Will move me here, beyond
Worthy of me, to whom I respectfully belong.

ANATOMY SPECIAL

2005-08-20T09:17:00.000+08:00

What's next of my chosen field? Can I see tears, gallons and gallons of tear, after this semester? College has never been this challenging! Well, the challenge is a bit negative for me. I'm losing my grace with Anatomy!!! I only sleep for three and a half hours, read long puzzling books, study more after a long night of reading, and reviewing some more! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH... I don't want to fail this subject! Fail myself, my family, my friends, everyone!... I have to give all what I can give to Anatomy, if not, I'll walk out my university's gate with a big "loser" sign on my forehead! Sigh... low grades, my future, my life, evrything! All swivelling inside my left and right hemisphre of my brain which is a part of our cental nervous system.
Respect Nurses! They (we [if in the future I survive this course]) are slaves of humanity to serve and protect everyone's welfare! (See I'm a wacko now! Words coming out of my head... tss...) The higher level students said that Anatomy is just the door to a much harder life in Nursing. Oh, how I can picture it perfectly! Sometimes life can be so hard you just want to give up, do you feel me? More sighs.... If I'll fail Nursing here at my university... I don't want to transfer school, but I don't want to shift to another course... Oh God... Oh God...
I'll definitely out of this one if in the future I passed my sophomore year... and tell myself how I panicd over Ana.
Whatever!

BOOKS, BOOKS, BOOKS!!!

2005-08-06T03:00:00.000+08:00

I've been reading novels now thanks to Fritzie and a bit from JT too!

I've read "Like Water for Chocolate" by Laura Esquivel.

Currently reading "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

And soon "The Notebook" by Nicholas Sparks.

And my school books which I hate/love.

Curse those instant foods!

2005-07-30T02:59:00.000+08:00

My exams are over! Last week was a very, very hard week for me and also for my classmates. I know because some of them posted notes on "Friendster", telling how they managed to remain alive after one exam. What a tiring week it was. The review nights, the over eating nights, the shoul-I-study-or-party-night, sigh... thank God I'm still sane after that week! The result of my effort: I failed one subject... our major subject... ANATOMY! and the rest... so-so grades.

A week after the exams...Checking papers, more studying, more school works, more expactations, more effort needed to stay afloat, more activities, more great words like "a few monts from now".

Curse those instant foods! According to the professor of my older brother, Kiki, instant foods which contains preservatives can cause your brain not function or get blocked for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or even years from consuming them!!! Dormers' regular food supply ranges from instant foods to more instant foods!!! And as a dormer, I draw instant pleasure and convinience from buying and eating them! but with a string attached. Nutritional issues and health problems? What will happen to my studying, to my brain? I've been very lazy, can't think and can't study, study, study, my brain seems stucked! I've been very distracted. Kept thinking bout moving on from the past "love" stuff, but somehow can't manage to really stand strong... My head is damaged!

My brain is a disaster! I kept on gossiping and 'leading the pack' about our classmate whom everyone hates! He's ugly inside and out! We hate him! He's such a bitch!

And speaking about bitches, I'm the president of our self-established group inside our classroom. "THE BITCHES", as we call ourselves. Hay, this blog entry is enough! Done! Finished! I'm having a headache again! So I guess I'll see you next time! If I'm still normal.

Dorm Life

2005-07-19T14:56:00.000+08:00

The Men's Volleyball Varsity Team Try-outs

2005-07-09T02:52:00.000+08:00

For the last few weeks, I've been dreaming of joining the varsity. The Volleyball varsity team to be exact. I've been seeing posters about the when & whereabouts of the try-outs around the campus but after I've learned from my classmate Val who happens to be a Women's Basketball Varsity Team member that a new player will not recieve the benefits of an old player instantly, I moved back. Assuming that the try-outs was over, I got a little disappointed with me for not even trying. Then, I got over it! Simply because I know that with my very hectic and tight schedule, I will have a hard time balancing my studies with my extra-curicular duties.

A week later...

Yesterday, Fem, told me that the try-outs is still on going and I'm still in the running for the next varsity player. I was tired that time. Can you imagine having a single subject
class which is Anatomy and Physiology starting from 8 A.M.'til 6 P.M. straight with only some occassional brakes. And the next day (which is today), we'll be reciting "The Preamble" which I don't completely know. But I decided to follow my desire to play ball.

STORY NOT YET FINISHED...
To be continued...

July 14, 2005
11:24 A.M.

The Continuation...

What? A week later or longer? Help me count. Yes, Ive been very busy studying and doing more school works that's why I wasn't able to finish my article and maybe because I've lost interest on it perhaps. Well, I QUIT!!! Honestly, I'm almost there! If only I pushed myself farther. I could've been wearing that Varsity uniform. I wasn't able to enter the "Temporary Varsity Team" last week, okay?, because the coach said, we the somehow rejects showed some flaws. But we can still join though, if we're willing to come back the following week( which was last Tuesday), she'll figure out if the "T.V.T." will be good enough to join competitions and if some players will be lame enough, she'll pick one of us to replace the poor guy. I know I'm good, that's why I got a lil' disappointed with my performance that day, I know I can burn some rubber but I planked, pity on me! Oh well, I've realized that not joining the varsity will haunt me every now and then, not having the benefits and so and so. At least, I can still be free from any obligations. Whatever Juno, whatver! (sigh......) (and a much deeper sigh.....)
Oh, by the way, Fem got in from that "T.V.T." 'til now! And seeing him go to practices makes me feel noxious.

Circling Mike

2005-07-02T09:41:00.000+08:00

Now, we're on our third week of school. Still breathing, alive, and happy. What are the nice/fun/cool things that happened this week? Well, finally, the day that I've been preparing for for the longest time since summer came already! Our swimming class! This past summer, I went to an extreme body make-over! I exercised and had a regulated food intake. And... it all paid off! Last Wednesday, who flaunted it all around the swimming pool area? Try to guess, come on! Who else but the one with the nice bod, me! Hahahahahaha... Just kidding! But yes, I flaunted a lil' bit. Next events; quizzes, recitations, exams, experiments, lab. works, wait! Is that cool? Besides getting failing marks, they're very, very tiring, energy-suckers in short.

I'm dying to wear that white Nursing uniform! They look so clean and decent. I just can't help picturing myself wearing my very own white Nursing uniform! When it's already my time to wear it, I'll make sure that I'm hot wearing it!!!

Speaking of a hot Nurse. (Shoot! isn't obvious how I like this person?) Circling Mike: have you heared about him? Mike, you know?, him, you know?, Mike, the guy from my not so distant past is circling here around the campus sometimes with his girl and sometimes with his guy friends and earlier alone somehow. You know, he graduated already from this same university where I'm currently enrolled at just this summer and posted here at our library, where I'm typing this article, his name is listed as a Nursing board passer. I really thought that we'd never see each other's faces again after I left that dorm where we used to be neighbors, but look we still see each other, though we don't smile at each other nor nod nor say hi. And I can see that he gained a LOT of weight! I'm happy he's still around!

Love life? My love life? Here I'm still single and afraid to mingle. I'm still attached to Fem, and even if I try not to be attached to him, I gat weak and still want us. (as if there bacame an "us") Well, I'm still alone and lonely in terms of intimate relationships. But I'm happy. Always happy about things. That's all I can say.

My Birthday Party

2005-06-26T04:00:00.000+08:00

The last time I left you was about me having dilemmas bout my birthday party. Well, today is June 25, 3 days have passed already. My birthday party was sweet! When we (me with Fritzie & Renzy) got home to my dorm, t'was about 6 p.m. I guess, I immediately saw people partying inside our garage, my older brother Gian (still my dormmate) prepared the party for me. He invited some of his friends to help him out preparing, and also invited some of his friends to party with us. There were posters, foods, and other party stuff. I was relieved and thankful that moment. Though only 10 or more than 10 of my classmates attented my party because of great examinations the next day and we had a black-out luckily it didn't last very long, it didn't matter much to me as long as my closest friends are there with me! Well, the party turned great. And after everyone left our dorm, I stayed up til 12 a.m. to study for our Anatomy and Physiology post, mid, and pre- tests.
The following day, my classmates are in the best "party mood"! We all decided to have a party! So, I offered my place as the venue. At the second party, almost all of my classmates were present! Look at that! Hhumph! This time, we're all out partying! We seldom have parties you know? Everyone gave a share of money for our foods and drinks. And there, party-ala-Nursing student. There were also some problems, the biggest one was about Ivy, my classmate, destroyed our neighbor's water pipe, though it created some public chaos, evrything is okay now. And the last part of the story is I got drunk! My first time ever to vomit out of drinking. The next day... a terrible hang-over.

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy 18th birthday to me.

2005-06-23T05:17:00.000+08:00

What's your initial reaction the morning you wake up and realize that it's your birthday, that another digit has been added to your age? Well, if you'll ask me back, I would act normal. You know, the regular, the ordinary, but of course I would still feel excited too, coz you might recieve a gift or your friends might give you a surprise party, things like that. This morning, I woke up happy yet confused in a stupid way. The alarm of my cellphone vibrated and beeped on loud and asked myself immediately "Is it really my birthday today?". Very stupid? I know. I'm stupid. I started my day with a music playing on the radio, prepared my breakfast, and a bath. Then, ate what I prepared which is Chicken Adobo with rice and went rushing to Fritzie's dorm. When I got there, the two girls were there obviously, Fritzie and Renzy, (I always go to Fritzie's dorm just to have a companion in going to school and of course to have a funny morning with my friends) they didn't greet me. I don't know why? Maybe it isn't their thing. So, as I was saying, we rode a jeep to school and in that jeep, we had a good morning laugh!!! In the middle of the traffic, I felt that there was a hair messing on my face. But when I tried wiping it off, no thing was there. Then, my friends saw a small weird worm or caterpillar climbing my left sleeve. I was annoyed, that's why I shove it off with my book. The weird worm, still alive, tried bothering the other guy beside me which is a fellow sophomore Nursing student too! He's the one who entered the ladies' room repeatedly last summer. Annoyed so much, he smashed the worm dead with his notebook! Very cruel guy. End of story. So, we went inside the main campus, we thought we're already late, but no, our professor was slower! The moment my classmates saw me at the end of the corridor, they shouted already with "Happy birthday Juno!". That made me glad! This year is so fun! Well, the greetings continued to our other class, which is Aquatics. Now, I'm currently at our library, surfing the internet, and a little anxious about my party after class. I hope it'll be fun! Tell you the details tomorrow. To everyone, thank you for being a part of my life! Thank you!!!

The Second Week of being a Second Year.

2005-06-22T02:40:00.000+08:00

The first week of our "Back to School" special is over. Now, we're on the 2nd week. Well, last week was fun! We met our new professors, some were very cool and some were b*tchy and *ss holes! Oooh, that horrible sh*t face professor from Health Care... I hate him! He's such a big pain in the ass!!! We have new subjects like Health Care, Health Ethics, Aquatics, Physics, Anatomy & Physiology, Philippine Literature, and so much more. In short, our schedule is more energy draining than last sem's! As of now, I'm enjoying every second, minute and hour of our day as a Nursing sophomore student.

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm out of money, hopeless in having a nice party, and worrying financially. By the way, I'm turning 18 after 12 hours. Not that excited, but I'll try or I'll do my best to lift up my spirit, coz whatever happens birthdays should be happy and full of fun and surprises! Don't worry bout me, I'm happy, very happy! :-)

One year ago.

2005-06-16T02:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was our first day back to school. It was a bit same old same old. We have a new campus too! From the big campus consisting of a diversity of college students taking up different courses to a smaller, a bit morbid, nerdy, cold, mysterious campus of all medical related courses which includes my course, Nursing. And yesterday also, went to a 9 hour class of only one subject! Can you handle that boredom galore? And also, we recieved 4 extra large Nursing books, from Anatomy to Health Care I. Whew! Who would have thought that we will reach our sophomore year?! Even myself couldn't believe it either! I felt that somehow, someway, we have steeped up to a much higher level now. Just a year ago, we were all anxious about college but now, seeing the new freshmen, my girlfriends and I fool around by guessing the fresh from the not so fresh! If we see someone all covered with their own sweat, the I.D. lace all crisp and new, with a not so sophisticated fashion sense, we'll laugh and say "oh, that's a freshman". Oh, well things defintly change, right? As the old saying goes, the only thing that is contant is change. ;-)

Losing 10 pounds & losing the desire to write

2005-05-31T02:54:00.000+08:00

Yes, Ive lost 10 pounds. But I'm still unhappy because I still have my fat ass, legs and tummy. Well, it is not that fat. I want to be buff! Well, to be that, I have to do more effort, right? And now, about writting, I'm a bit tired of writting. But I won't give up writting, because this is my outlet of all outlets! By the way, I've also changed my template. Why? I'm planning to make it awesome, but I don't know how to make my ideas to reality! Sad to say, I'm not a good techno dude! As much as I want to have a fab website, I'm just an ordinary boy, not a webmaster.

TaeBo, Jeepney and being Gay?!

2005-05-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

Do you have any idea on what my newest post is all about? This summer vacation is so wonderful!

#1
Number one reason,
I've really lost some weight, have a sexier bod, and a fab diet! I've stopped eating rice due to my older brother's friend's success fitness story! Thanks for that simple inspiration and to my enormous effort exercising, my flabby tummy is now...hoooweee!!!, curvacious and buff and muscular than ever! I don't want to sound bitchy, but I advise everyone to please, if ever you desire to achieve a slimmer or more muscular bod for the longest time now, WORK IT OUT!!! Do something bout it! And I promise you, you'll feel good more and look beau inside and out!

#2
And the second one is here. To all the MANUAL drivers out there, specially to jeepney drivers, I salute you! hahahaha... I've been learning to drive seriously. And since i wasn't able to enter that Driving School bullsh** Academy, I only have one choice but to ask my father to teach me some driving skills. And so it is! This morning, I woke up at around 7am to put what I've learned to the test! Now, I know how to turn on the engine, use the 1st gear, step on the gas, and turn the steering wheel! I've travelled almost 30ft. using only the clutch! End of story! I admire all the drivers! ;-) Someday... ya'll see me scratch the pavement!

#3
And the last but not the least...
Just keep tunned in to my blog...
The next post will be so personnal!...

What's the latest news bout me?

2005-05-04T06:25:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm doin fine, that's for sure! I'm now working out for real! I'm back doin some punches and some lo- to hi- kicks! Yup! I'm doin TaeBo again! Pray that the results would favor my undying desire to have a mind-blowing bod! I wish upon the stars! Second, I'm just resting and resting , and resting at home! Doing plenty of stuff like gardening, yup! you heard me right! uhm... some house cleaning and some other house chores that I"m starting to love/hate more and more! Third, since my domestic drama goes and goes I have a lot of things to write about, ang since they're overflowing my head, I can't even pick what to write! So, there! My summer is somehow put into it's proper meaning (for me); a lot of quality time with yourself and your family, trying to enrich yourself with great things and enjoy life away from school...

Just because of MMS?; too shallow!

2005-04-15T03:17:00.000+08:00

Last midnight, while I was enjoying watching T.V. with my mom and brother, I heard my mobile phone beep, I have a message! Excited, I ran outside the room and immediately grabbed my cell! I opened the inbox. My high school close friend, Kelvin gave me a message! At first, I thought that he sent another touching quote about friendship or life. I was terribly wrong!

April 2, 2005: (please look for my April 5 issue) I went to my high school friend’s place for her debut; just a simple house party. I was with my high school clique again after some months of separation, and that includes Kelvin. Who’s Kelvin? Kelvin is a really good friend of mine, during my down moments in high school; he was one of the few people that made me enjoy life again! Back to the debut, we were taking pictures with Mildred’s camera phone. Mildred is the celebrant and also a member of our clique. Since I don’t have any pictures of them in any of my archives, I thought that it would be nice to make some, at least to remind me of high school somehow. I took this wonderful picture of myself with Kelvin and forwarded it to my cell phone thru infrared. I was so happy, I fronted it to everyone! The following day…
April 3, 2005: Kelvin sent me a text message; he wanted to own a copy of our picture too! He asked me if I could send it to somebody’s number whom I think is related to him, if the message came in, he’ll just pay me the fee. I agreed. My pathetic mobile phone wasn’t cooperative! I was trying to send that MMS message that whole day! But I gave up sending after hours of hoping that it’ll be sent! I know that it is appropriate for me to inform Kelvin that I will not be able to send our picture, so I did, I strongly know I did! I think I even saw it in my sent messages folder. I gave him another option though, I told him to ask the same favor to the people who own the same copy! End of the story?...

As I’ve said, I was terribly wrong! This is his message:
14-Apr-05 12:26 A.M.
…hnGgnG nGayOn
wLa p rin ung mMs..
mybe im 2 much
dEmndinG 4 such a
fAv0r 4 me..
bt snA u tel me if u
dnt wanA send pRa
im n0t w8ing hir oL d
while..
:’c
Wow! What do you expect me to feel? Glad? Of course not! He made me feel greedy and irresponsible and some other super negative feelings. Obviously, I’m offended with his rude midnight surprise message. Here’s my reply:
14-Apr-05 12:30? A.M.
UyKelvin,super
duper sori!I dnt knw
ur w8tn!F u rmmbr
ngtxt n q sau na d q
kyng i-send due 2
my fon,pro mkhng d
m ata nrecv!ktmpo k
nmn,cge snd q sa
email m!:’c
(Sigh)…After all the messages sent and received, I read Kelvin’s message to my brother and mom and explained the whole thing! My kuya said: “ang kitid naman ng pangunawa nyan!”, something like it. And my mom said that the issue is too shallow! (Sigh)… What should I do? How should I react? What now? Honestly, I’m not happy or let’s just say not comfortable and doesn’t feel that I belong with my high school friends’ company anymore. I know this is so sad to hear, you might even take their side. I wish I could explain my side well. I feel that our group is just a whole lie! I feel that they’re not really there for me! So why call it friendship if they’re not even there for a so called friend? I’m tired of handling them! For me, it’s so “hi-skul”! I think I’ll just shut up ‘til they talk to me. I’m tired of their old issues, I mean, grow up people! We already have new lives! Move on, go with the flow, and let the surf of life take over you! And I think I should give myself a break after a whole year of being somehow FAKE to myself. Maybe friendships have its ups and downs like life, relationships, and all the other aspects of being human. I’ll just remember the good stuff that happened inside our friendship and focus on them. I know friendship is a treasure, that’s why I’m holding on!

This is the "MMS":

Summer snapshots

2005-04-14T05:33:00.000+08:00

Got nothing else to do this summer but grabbing my kuya's camera phone and taking snapshots of me, eating, watching T.V., surfing the net if really possible, reading something?, writing for this blog.
Though I want to be productive and really useful in the society, events just won't allow me to be!!!
I'll try to enter in that driving school... that's the only thing I can think of that is productive and useful for me and my country?!
Hay..........(sigh)
Wake up Juno!!!

Killer Oysters?

2005-04-05T20:52:00.000+08:00

March 28:
I woke up really early, for a change. For a very special reason, I have to go to my university for our class card distribution. It was 5 in the morning when I realized that I was up thanks to my always punctual body clock for the timely rescue. Since no one is generous enough to cook breakfast, I voluntarily prepared for my pop and my two brothers at home. I made some tasty omelets (egg with corn beef); it made me proud with my culinary skills somehow though it was really basic and easy to do even a 7 year old child can make it. After cooking, I took a bath, dressed up and left. Again, I have to travel for 3 long hours just to arrive to Dasmarinas, Cavite. Then, I arrived at the university at 11 A.M. and our scheduled time was 12 P.M. so I went outside and surfed… the net. While chatting on-line, I bumped into a friend. My long-time friend Sarah was online and we found out that we both have blogs. Then, after our how are you’s, checked the clock and rushed back inside the campus after I found out that it was 12:10 P.M. already! We’ve been apart for a week and two days, and I missed my classmates a bit which is so unexpectedly weird. Before I entered the designated room for our class, I went inside the men’s powder room, looked in the mirror and checked my fabulous image. With all excitement in my heart, I entered the room, and felt the warm smiles of everyone that welcomed me. I felt at home again but made me sad and think of the reshuffling of sections. Oh, that’s okay I’ve already accepted that fact, if it’ll truly push thru. Gradually, we received our own class cards; mixed emotions filled the room naturally. Then, the day was over; I passed the most dreaded subject that killed me! That’s Chemistry people, yes it is my weakness. And also my lowest grade, I got 80 for it, and the rest is pretty high, funny coincident I got 85 next to 80 then 86, 87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 92, 93 and then 95! Our grading system goes like this; 75 below is the failing mark, 75 above is the passing and 85 above is the grade of those exceptional students I’m not saying that I’m exceptional or something like so. If you get grades no lower than 85, you’re considered as a dean’s lister automatically that’s what I know. That’s all, period. After the five hour long sitting-waiting-goofing around session just inside one room, I and my brother went to Tagaytay City to meet with my family and relatives because my grandma and aunty came home from U.S. We got there safe but experienced some trouble looking for the correct public vehicles to ride. This story is so long for me already. The end of this story is that I slept unharmed.

March 29:
Our original plan was we’re about to go straight home! So when we woke up, we’re all exited to go back home. We left the hotel, carrying all our bags; we went to McDonalds (the one beside “Casino Filipino”) and ate breakfast. After that, mom and pop left us to bid farewell to my grandma, aunt and uncle who splurges all their cash in the casino since last night without sleeping! We’ve waited at McDonalds for 3 hours just waiting for my parents! At last they came out! Change of plans. My aunt gave my mom some bucks for us to spend and we still have to spend another day in Tagaytay! Instead of staying in Tagaytay doing nothing, we’ve decided to go shopping in SM-Dasmarinas. We went shopping obviously. What did I buy? I bought a book, a ring and a headset. I bought this “Life’s Little Instruction Book” by H. Jackson Brown, Jr. with this written below the title: 511 suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life (laughs). I also bought a plain and simple silver ring in “Silver works” for my pinker my gay professor once said that gay men wears a ring around their pinker as a sign of being gay. And the last thing that I bought for myself was this DJ’s headset that I’ve been dying to buy for months. Now here come the oysters. For lunch, we ate at this Chinese cuisine restaurant the name of the place is “Tsim Sha Tsui”. We ordered so many foods and all of them tasted crazily amazing! One of the great foods that we ordered was this “Oyster Tausi”, tuasi is another term for black beans. I personally ordered that dish because I haven’t eaten oyster in my whole life honestly speaking. The whole dinning experience was a pleasurable thing for my taste buds! The wonderful day ended and we returned back to our hotel in Tagaytay. And before we slept, I feasted upon some foods. I ate spaghetti, BLT (bacon, lettuce, tomato) sandwich, pancit canton, drunk some Coke diet and ate more food which my stomach can still take in. After eating, I read this “W.I.T.C.H.” magazine that my little sister bought cover to cover before I totally rested on my bed. The next morning…

March 30:
In my stomach, I felt a little pain. But I just ignored it because I thought that it was going to fade away later. We spent a lot of time looking for my father’s new watch inside our hotel room it took us a two hour detective work and everything went to nothing! We went home! My mom just told the front desk lady to contact us if she happens to receive a lost watch from the cleaners. To arrive home, we have to ride a public van and jeep. On our way home riding inside the van, I felt the pain in my stomach going worse. When we arrived at the end of the van ride, I told my mom that I’ll do something with my LBM inside a closed shopping mall. My mom asked the security guard if he could let me use the C.R., my mom said it’s an emergency. I didn’t exactly feel the urge of using the C.R. that moment but when I was sitting on the toilet bowl, there it goes! Then we went on our traveling, this time we rode a public jeep just one last trip to go. While on the jeep, the intense stomach pain kept bothering me, I had a tight grip on one of the metal poles of the jeep out of suffering! I had some sleeps but the pain occasionally brought me out of my brief slumber that took me away of thinking bout my LBM. Then, we arrived home; I rushed again to our bathroom to let out all my internal biological wastes. I have to go some other trips to our bathroom the whole day. And what’s worst is that I’m suffering from LBM with fever, isn’t nice? My mom suggested that I might be suffering from salmonella from the not-so-fresh oyster from yesterday, but if that’s so why am I the only one suffering from it? So the only reason for this discomfort is my animalistic lunch and dinner yesterday. And the fever comes from the stress of traveling and hot weather! I don’t think the oysters almost killed me; it was too yummy to be fatal.

March 31:
Thank God!!! I'm back to my old self! I'm okay and oh so well! This was the official day when I wrote this article. But I wasn't able to publish it because I wasn't able to go out and surf the net somewhere around Santa Cruz. You know, in our house, we have a PC, but...THERE'S NO INTERNET!!! So, I only do all the typing at home and all the publishing outside.

April 1:
Stayed at home the whole day...

April 2:
Went out with High School pals to Pangil, Laguna(a far place away from Santa Cruz, uhm...an hour long trip just to get there)... It's my girlfriend's birthday, she's my high school buddy and also our class president! I recieved an invitation in Friendster a month ago? I'm not sure. She invited all of us to her party! Because she'll be turning 18! I got a chance to see a lot of old friends and foes! The feeling was unexplainable! It's like nothing has changed at all! Same feelings toward each other's company. I never expected and even thought that there would be plenty of our "batchmates" that be joining the party. Oh well, at least I survived another teen drama. I went home at around 2 A.M., and again I am not so sure about the time. One of my best buddy was fetched up by his parents and we were able to get a hitch home. And on the way home, had more chat with old folks.

April 3:
Woke up late, as expected. And stayed at home the whole day.

April 4:
That was just yesyerday, right? Oh, my mom and my sister came home. No, that was this morning! 1 A.M.?, right?

April 5:
The present, the now, the current. I went out with my mom, fixed some paper about some affidavit stuff, let some professional fix our "not-so-open-line" mobile phone from my brother in America and now me surfing the net. And as I can see, the time is 5:21 P.M.

A

2005-03-29T03:24:00.000+08:00

Whenever I hear or see a sad song on the radio or TV, I can’t afford to think of my past love interests. How they once made me feel inspired and after a while made me feel worthless and in the end made me feel that it’s the end for my poor heart to ever find love again. These are drama that I create all by myself some self-made dilemmas. And to tell you honestly, it’s my entire fault. You see, you’ll give yourself a hard time if you enter a relationship that you love “one-way”. That’s how all my so-called relationships went. My “first love” was with a long-time friend whom our friendship gone sour then after some years realized that I have feelings for a friend. It was more of a puppy love thing. I was 13 for Pete’s sake. Then, my “second love” entered after. We’re friends, again. We were in the same circle of friends. It’s weird; I’ll summarize the romance stuff. I fell in love with her, because I thought that the feeling is mutual. Well, the love didn’t flourish and I never knew because I never asked her if she really feels that same feeling that I feel for her. Now, we’re still friends and see each other occasionally. Next is my “third love”. I fell for a friend again. We were so close. I make him laugh so hard and he does the same thing in return to me. See, humor is the best way to win somebody’s heart. Whatever! I got angry with the poor friend in the end because. I forgot! I think it’s because he never looked at me as a lover but only as a joker that just gives him a hell of a fucking good laugh though I’ve told him that I love him. Or he just wants us to be just friends. I don’t know! I’ve learned something after that though. Never fall for a friend. And if you dare, make sure you can fix the friendship after all the heartaches are over. You’re lucky if it’ll turn out like so. 50:50 ratios? And now, we’re still friends. Then the “fifth love” slid in, Fem. I don’t know if I really had that authentic love for him. How can I even love in the first place when I don’t even know what the freaking meaning of love is? Oh well. Read my January articles, there you’ll find the whole score. But wait! You might be wondering. Where’s the “fourth love”? This is my problem. Whenever I think of my past love interests, he comes last. Here’s the story. That was just a year ago. When I was all in pain and heartache trying to overcome the suffering during my “third love” period, I and my “fourth love” met. One midnight, while I was watching a pathetic channel in the cable, I bumped in to this cheap chat room on TV. Feeling sad and blue and stupid, I joined in, there I met “A”. We both needed someone. And surprisingly, we both found happiness with each other’s company. Our relationship was a long-distance one. He’s twice as old as me, and more mature in terms of thinking definitely. But our relationship has a down side, me! A selfish part inside of me just wanted to use our relationship to cover up all the hurt that I was feeling from the “third love” horror. And out of sudden, I ended our relationship just like that. The only relationship that I’ve been to was gone without a trace! I think, if only I didn’t put a dot in our relationship, it could have been a wonderfully chaotic romance for me. This is the worst part; I don’t remember his name anymore! All I know is that his name starts with letter A. When we got to know each other thru mobile phone communication, the name I entered in my phonebook was just the first letter of his name “A”, instead of keying in his real name. But I got to know his real name. The only thing is that I wanted to forget his name even though a part of me doesn’t want to and after some weeks trying to erase his name in my head, poof! It totally disappeared. I really felt something in our relationship, because that was the only romantic relationship that I’ve been to that the love wasn’t just one-way. And that was how my relationship with “A” happened.

One Last Swim

2005-03-24T11:02:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt that you belong so much in a group, that you formed such terrific bond with them?

I had an amazing freshman year! At first, I was all nervous. I don’t have any clue on what I’ll be entering. And luckily, things went fabulous for me! I felt wanted; so much that I had smiles on face again! I never thought that I’d be so happy with my collage year. I had plenty of friends. And they still are.
The start of my college year was unexpectedly wonderful. I never had that “adjustment period”, I was already adjusted! I met a lot of interesting people. I had a lot of gorgeous memories. My birthday, though it wasn’t that nice, at least I enjoyed it! And that day, I saw some true friends. One was Tonyo and the other is Fritzie. They were good to me! And there were those funny school activities. Our so-called “Mardi Gras”, such a hilarious day for our class.
I’ll just cut this story short. When our class was just starting to get-to-know each other, we were really divided. It was so obvious. You know the cliché. There were different cliques. The famous beautiful girls, the wallflowers, the geeks, and the average dudes and dudettes. But fate brought us closer to each other and it was magical. Wow! We found a family in each other’s arms. Cheesy isn’t? But true. We’ve been through a lot. And I can now say that our class is not just a class now, we’re a family. Now, we have to go solo! We have to be separated with one another. Another long story. But it’s okay for me. As if there’s something I can do to change our school’s policy. All I can say is that, my freshman year wouldn’t be so fucking wonderful without you BSN17. Thanks!
And before we got totally separated, we have to attend to this year-ender swimming party. Some kinda spring break wannabe party. It went okay. And the last word that I said before I totally leave the place was…go ahead! I’ll just have “one last swim”.

Mike

2005-03-11T17:01:00.000+08:00

He was...
"Mike", I've heard that name a long time ago when I was a few months younger. My freshman year was fun! And everything was new! My fate gave me a fresh start for my old grumpy soul! Wow, I'm feeling deep now!!! Weird!? What I'm trying to say is that, I really love you, I just (Usher, is that you?)... Mike, my former dormate, was here at our campus this morning 'til noon. And i saw him again at our university's chapel (not that up close and not really personal) after some months of lonely separation. Eeewww!!! What the fuck is wrong with me!!!??? GROSS!!! Oh well, that's where I'm happy. I saw him last, last, last week?, again but I was riding a jeep and it was moving so I didn't get a good glimpse of him and her never-will-I-leave-you girlfriend. And today, I even saw him with his relatives, i guess. He's a senior already. And if I'm not mistaken, today is their Baccalaureate Mass (He'll be graduating this summer, I guess...). For months, I've really hoped that I'll gat a chance to see him again. But we never did, not 'til today (or that other day i was talking bout). I was like a "stalker" earlier. When I was about to enter the library with my mouth full, I saw him!!! So, i hid behind the library's window and followed him with my watchful eyes. I can't resist the urge to come near him. I went inside the library, dragged my girlfriend, and ran towards the trail of Mike! We stood, no!, we walked together behind him. I felt contented with that! So we followed him and followed him 'til I got tired. Cheesy? Not yet! When we're about 5ft away from Mike (now he's behind us), I made a corny plan. So, i told Madel that we'll suddenly turn around as if we've forgotten something. So, we did. End of the story. Yep! That's the end. If ever I'll see Mike again, I'll just smile, greet him and say "Uy! musta na?".

One Whole Week

2005-03-05T16:16:00.000+08:00

(Febuary 28-March 5, 2005)
Juno's Diary

Day One:

...A Monday
This week was amazingly energy-draining!
Our week started with a Ballroom dance rehearsal for our PE class.
That was a Monday morning! Our week starts with a Monday.
And our dragon-like bitchy prof extended the practice for 30 more mins.!!!
She's so demanding!
Then, after that class, we should have our lunch break. But since she lengthen our class, we were not able to eat!!!
We immediately proceeded to our next class which was English. Our classmates had their defense that day.
And after 2 hrs. of that mouth-drying event, we got dismissed.

Day Two:

...A Tuesday
Our day started with our Filipino class.
That was the start of our "individual play"!
Where you have to have a self-made script and... you have to act it ALONE!!!
Many of my classmates were really super duper impressive!!!
As in, WOW!!!
They should receive an award for their performance!
Then, our next class became a break. It was intended for our class preparation for that fuckin SYMPOSIUM!!! And luckily, I'm the host!!! ;)
And bacause of that, we had a 3 hr. break. I"m not sure if it's 3, I'm not good at Math!
Then, had our Philisophy class. And as usual, we got bored more than ever!
And since we're done with our NSTP, one of our demanding subject, we don't have classes to attend to!
We went home?
Not me!
I went to a mall, to be exact, Waltermart!
I've been dreaming day and night for the day that I will see my "Ex-fantazy", my crush!
And on my way riding a jeepney, I saw Mike! with her long-time girlfriend!
It was kinda emotional for me.
In my head, I wanted to stop the vehicle and step out and say hi. It didn't happen.
Then I went home, in our dorm.

Day Three:

...A Wednesday
The fuckin Dance practice!

Day Four:

...A Thursday
Kiki's birthday!!!
Once again, "individaul play" in Fil. class.
Then, we watched some films in Socio-Anthro.
We watched "Tatarin", boy was it EROTIC!!!
And, attended our Philo class. Thank God our old prof was not around, Ms. ? substituted. I like her!
Then, I got married for our Religious Ed. class.
Literally!
End of the day!!!???
NOT FOR ME!!!
I have to stay up til 1a.m. to review for our report in History anda term paper defense in English!

Day Five:

...A Friday
The TERRIFYING DAY!!!
We reported well in History.
We got an "F" for our defense.
We were so hagard!!!
Then, our dance competition arrived.
We were all groomed and ready!
And as I"ve said, we were really ready to slam, bam, wham!!! the dance floor!!!
Unfortunately, we were not the 1st nor the 2nd or even the 3rd runner up...
Fuck!!!
We're the GRAND CHAMPION!!!
I never saw my class that happy!!!
Defenitely the happiest moment our career!!!
Well, we deserve it really, no offense.
Then I ate a lot, because Kiki celebrated his and a classmate's birthday that same night!
And watched Oprah.

Day Six:

...A Saturday
And after the winning event last night, we won again!
Today was our Graduation rights for our NSTP class.
Our class won for a "The Best blah, blah" category!
I'm proud of our class!!!
And we attended our Chemistry Laboratory class.
And the rest of the story is not yet done.
Bye one whole week!
You challenge me a lot!!!
;p

Hot days!

2005-02-22T18:01:00.000+08:00

I love this season, Summer!
This is the only time of the year where the sun is at its hottest temp, children play freely outside, teens go wild, and me hibernate!
I'm kidding!
I love summer because summer always give me fresh experiences!
I'm not making sense now.
When I was a kid(not so long ago), everytime I hear the word "summer", the idea of having a vacation starts to wonder in my head!
Who wouldn't enjoy a vacation, after almost 10 months of studying?
Hhmmpp?!
I want to dive in a pool with my family or with my friends!
Go jogging in the early morning with my father, go biking, smelling the fresh and crisp morning air, exercise with my mom's Tae-bo VCDs!
Sit on our terrace all afternoon til night, while listening to my AM/FM tuner.
Be simple and simple.
And be with myself (my self separates from occassionally).
Recall all that happened this past few months or years. I want simple summer life.
I want to sleep all day. Wake up in the afternoon, and eat plenty of my mom's homecook dishes! Yum! I want to spot some hotties passing our house.
I want to meet my high school friends!
I miss them!
I can't wait for summer's fun!
Now, I'm being thrown with too many school requirements, but once they're over and done...I'll party like there's no tomorrow!
So summer...WAIT FOR ME!!!
And I'll...
WAIT FOR YOU!!!
Okay?
Is that a deal?
Okay then...
See you soon!
Wow! can you do that? Talk to a season?
Hey Summer how are you? Oh I'm fine thank you!
Oh well, caused by summer's intense heat!
Hot days!

I'm Mr. Sniffles!

2005-02-19T11:14:00.000+08:00

Everyday, before I throw my clothes to the laundry basket, I sniff my clothes passionately! It's like, sniffing a rose from your lover or sniffing some freshly baked bread from a nearby bakery! I sniff my socks, my underwear, my shirt, and anything weird! I do smell the in-betweens of my toes, my armpits, my scratched scalp from my finger tips, my hands after I rubbed my entire fist on my boogerfull nose, my holy hands again after touching my *****, and the worst is... I know you know it already, so I won't tell you anymore. Those are my greatest fetish!!! EEEEWWWW!!! I KNOW!!!! Whatever! You just have to live with it! That's me! Hahahaha...I'm a filthy son of pig! Not my mom nor my paps!

I do sniff some good stuff too!

I love sniffing my deo-spray in the morning. Or my wet-from-my-deo/antiperspirant underarms.
Or the aroma of premium CHOCOLATES!!!! UMMMM....Yum!

Besides, your nose is meant for sniffing, so why not use it. It just so happen that I use mine in a different way!

The worst smell for me is....

CIGARETTE SMOKE!!!

I'm not against those smokers, but please, if you want to die early, die alone! Don't bring us along, okay?
There are two kinds of people, the ones that smoke and the other one doesn't! It's your choice! And if you choose to smoke on our face, we can also choose to fucking kill you!
For those fucking bastards who smoke on my face...FUCK YOU!!!
Go to hell with your fucking ash lungs!
Sorry for the nasty words...

Now, I'm turning into a monster agian...
Oh! I forgot, I'm a monster!

So, before I transform, use your sense of smell today! Smell all your bad odor and all the wonderful aromas around you!

I'm Mr. Sniffles!

Thank you

2005-02-18T12:03:00.000+08:00

I'm the worst when it comes to handling admiration! I swear! Sometimes, I get so naive and act like nothing is really on or get big-headed like a balloon boy! I don't want karma to take its round and make me suffer in the end! I try my best not to break somebody's precious heart! Because, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY KNOW how it feels! My heart is like a tenderloin already! That's crushed by a gigantic meat tenderizer! Over and over and over agian...commiting the same and always the same mistakes like the previous heartache scene! It's really hard to be BROKEN! And I don't want that to do that to somebody! Why? Who am I to do that? I'm no Brad Pitt! Definitely not a Tom Cruise nor a Leonardo Di Caprio or even a Keanu Reeves! I'm a nobody to act like a somebody, right? This story is getting longer.

One of the hottest and most admired dudette classmate of mine suddenly took some interest on me. Now, she always greets me with her "million-dollar" smile, tell me how I look gorgeous when wearing my ever feminine colored shirts, etc. (I know I'm acting big-headed already with these lines!) Her friends always tease me with her! At first, I thought t'was just a joke and I'm the lucky-guy-of-the-day to be given such attention! But, I can easily picture what is the real score! Or maybe, I'm just good at giving malicious conceptions in things! Well, whatever! My friends told me to change my heart! What do I mean by that? They try to tell me to be a boy-heated fellow, and accept 'her' admiration! That would be scary! I'll be fooling myself too! I'm not straight! Get it? So, why? And you know that! And she knows that very much! And of course I know that so much! I just don't want to change how I act around them! Please God, help me! I don't want to hurt any person's feelings... or whatever it may be. But, thank you though for admiring me. Thank you.

I forgot to tell you.

2005-02-16T11:11:00.000+08:00

Last Monday, yes, Valentine's day, me and my girls went to Tagaytay! We were supposed to research about the place's history, land area, population or to cut it short the profile of Tagaytay. So, after our English class (12-2p.m.) we immediately went there, well, not really, Madel went to that salon where her fairy costume was left by the person who last borrowed it! But t'was not there. Madel got pissed and we all got pissed, but only for a short, very brief period of time. So, we rode on a bus to Tagaytay. I don't know the exact time we arrived there, but we arrived there sometime in the afternoon! The three girls ate at Greenwich while I tried stealing the order number plate. Sadly, i failed! Then, after their food trip, we went to the municipal hall, without any clue that it was Tagaytay's town fiesta. The place was like a deserted place like that of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" movie. So we took some photos of the public offices and fooled around! After we found out that it was Tagaytay's town fiesta, the widest smiles slopped on our faces! Hehehe... At the police station, which is still in that creepy location, we saw some wrecked cars! I thought it was adventurous to get inside it and take some shots! I did! I felt eery afterwards! The picture is not yet developed! Were was I? So we went to that park, "People's view park" whoa! the site were breathe-taking! The air was chilly! but not freezing. And we had a BLAST! I really felt super happy with my girlfriends that day!!! We also bought that friendship anklet! The three bought the black one and I bought the green one! I like green! Then, I thought that we were goin home, but they had other plans! We then went to a place called "Picnic Groove". Madel pronounced it wrong, well, we thought that it was grove, but actually we were the ones who is incorrect! Madel was rigth, the place's name is "Picnic Groove". We laughed at Madel because she said that the reason why groove is its name is because the people there were groovy! Whatever! Then, this time it is for real! We went home at around 6 or 7 in the evening! We all had a great time (if you can read the other girl's blog) and of coarse, I had a wonderful time with them! Nice Valentine's day!
You don't need a "lover" just for you to feel that you are loved. Your friends can make you feel that way! Or even yourself! Or your family, or you dog, or the lady at your canteen that always give you more food than the rest, or your pet taht always lick you like a horny maniac!
Don't forget to...
Make your heart feel good once in a while or even all the time!
It sure feels nice!

The Philosopher in me

2005-02-15T15:20:00.000+08:00

This Philosophy class was quite interesting. Our real professor (as if there's a "fake" professor) was out havin some seminar on some unidentified topic. The substitute professor was a nice. And when I say nice, it's a complete package! She's pretty and smart too! That's whatcha call "Beauty and Brains". We had this topic about God. So she asked us a question: "Do you believe in God? Why or why not?". Answers should be written on a half sheet of paper. So, we all wrote our opinions. Then, discussion time. I can't help to make comments on my classmates' answer's. Some were acceptable, and few were outrageous! So, I raised my hand, stood up, and said: "Miss, can I start an argument?". She agreed. Then, I criticized one and another classmate of mine. For example, my most handsome classmate said: "I don't believe that there is god!!!". Well, I'm not a religous pig, that's for sure, but I can't accept that there's NO GOD!!! That would be impossible! right? In the first place, who controls him (Karelle, my most unmatched-beauty-in-the-class boho classmate)? who's that higher force that makes the world go round? who made me?, how bout you? What I"m trying to say is that, even if you turn the world upside down, there is still that "One" that is the "Mastermind" of everything. And even if you were struck by great tragidies in you life(becasuse that's his main argument), let's say a loss of a relative. God is still there! Here's one of my world famous dialouge earlier: "We are all created equal, all men are mortal, has a beginning and an end! And if there's no god, where did you came from huh? From an oven toaster?". And besides, my classmates are wrong, when they thought that "God" and "Religion" are the same, well, they are closely related tho. My point is God is different from Religion itself.

Flip side

2005-02-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

Last night, I was watching some fantastic movies at Fritzie's dorm with Fritzie(of coarse) and Renzy! We watched "Wicker Park" and "My Sassy Girl" respectively. My friends laughed at me when they heard me sobb and got teary-eyed at the ending of "Wicker"! I was, again got carried away and also got soft, mushy, cuddly, emotional and cheesy. What can I do? I'm such a sucker for grand and "love-stories-that-are-greater-than-love-itself" flicks! And then, we went out for dinner! I ate a huge 'clubhouse'! I splashed plenty of hot chili sauce on it! Yum! I love spicy foods so much!!! So... after the feast, we went back! Then we watched the next film. It was nice. Or should I say enchanting? I liked it, even if Renzy fell asleep and Fritzie losing her grip watching it! I appreciated that Korean blockbuster. We'll enough of this!

Let's go to the flipside

Remember Fem? My dog? Shit! I'm just kidding in a harsh way. Well, just a two hours earlier, we went to his dorm. Want to ask me why? Don't! Okay, okay, we went there with my groupmates for our project in one of our stupid subject! I acted normal. Pretty, pretty normal. In my own point of view. Let's move faster with the climax. Then, his "G.G." (Gawd, do you still know the meaning of that fucking acronym? Fem's term of endearment for his girl) Whatever! So, she texted. She's here. Okay, end of the story! Don't wanna make a fuzz out of it! Done! Gotta go! Waste of time...
Oh shit!
I can't.
I don't know if I still have some somethin-something for him. But after that, I felt some fine awakening! That... I have to escape now! Escaping is bad. Moving away is better. Oh! moving on is the best! So, move on! Waste of time. Waste of energy! I'm almost over you. And that's the truth.
???

The desparate lonely boy

2005-02-11T11:50:00.000+08:00

It’s not that I’m not admitting that I commit at least two or more embarrassing moments everyday, but this terrible incident may sum up all of them! (a mere exaggeration)

One very boring evening, I was left at our dorm alone staring at the ceiling and feeling extra boring! The evening was getting more late! And my brother was still outside, somewhere out there. Then, I tried to make my self fall asleep! So I turned off the lights, closed my eyes and shut down my brain. But I really can’t fall asleep! So I grabbed my…**** (just kidding!) mobile phone and played with anything I can play with that could make me feel tired. Then, I gave “missed calls” to people I know. And then, to people I DON’T know! Their numbers were closely identical with mine because I patterned them with my own number. I just changed the last digits of my number which is 0121. I made a 0120, 0122, 0123, 0124 and so on… some ignored me maybe because they don’t have any credits left in their accounts or they’re just smart and matured enough to figure out that it was just a desperate lonely boy or girl trying to find a partner out of invented numbers of other unsuspecting victim. As I was saying, some people did pay some of their unselfish attention to a poor boy like me. The first one was really attentive! She first asked me who I was and I replied with high hopes “Hi, I’m Juno! Can we be friends? Can I be your textmate?” and of coarse I waited patiently with her reply! And then she said “Anak, masyado na akong matanda para sa mga ganyang bagay, matulog ka na, Gud nyt.” I didn’t know what to say next! I threw my phone away from me! I was so fucking embarrassed! And she’s older than my mom!!! My God! I replied out of respect “sorry po, gud evening din po”. So, let’s move on with the next unfortunate victim. The next guy called me up!!! My goodness! I wasn’t expecting that someone would really call me! But he did so I was nervous and at that time my brother came home at our dorm! And he asked if who could that possibly be calling me. And I told him about my “I’m-lonely-please-entertain-me-prank-missed-calls-at-night”. And can’t resist to laugh at my stupidity! So there, I answered my phone and I asked the person on the other line who he is. I said “hello, sino ‘to?” and he replied “hello, hello, sino ‘to? Si Lito ‘to!” I freaked out! I held my laughter so much! My gosh! Who’s Lito? Then, I just said to Lito, “sorry po wrong number lang” and then, he immediately hang up! And again he sounded old! Last but not the least, my last hope of meeting someone… I didn’t hope at all! In short I was hopeless!!! And thank God! It wasn’t a disaster at all! Well, if I continued, it could’ve been one! The other person just aked me “Wu dis?” but I didn’t replied…I guess I was tired already! And even if the last one could have been THE ONE, I still wouldn’t care! After all that shit…nah…thanks but no thanks! I wish that I won’t encounter any “lolas” or “lolos” or maybe another “Lito”. I get embarrassed! Or I guess I’ll just stop giving missed calls whenever I’m bored! Gosh! Missed calls, they’re fatal!!!

What are my plans for this summer

2005-02-07T17:59:00.000+08:00

These are my plans:

1. Slim down to a nice bod! (I know I'm so redundant with my plans, that I'll be excercising and watch my diet and stuff, but this time, I'll TRY me very best to be sexy. No! just slimmer.

2. Take any classes (e.g. Driving[ that would be useful], Piano[so that the keyboard at home would be used], or any lesson that would help me to become more competitive.)

3. Get a job? I really want to work! I want to buy so many things with my own cash!!! Without bothering my parents' pocket! I dream of having plenty of great stuff!!! like a new mobile phone etc.

4. Pay a lot of attention to my faith. I'm turning into a satanic byotch more and more these days!!!

5. Give more appreciation and love and care for myself, my family and friends!!!

6. Have plenty of clean fun!;p

7. And lastly, find my purpose in life.

Okay!

2005-02-04T17:15:00.000+08:00

A fresh new look for my pathetic system!
Because of some unidentified reasons...my blog just went blank!!!
So, okay...
I made some changes!!!
I hope this incident wont happen ever again!!!
Well, okay...I want some changes too anyways....

I want a Chihuahua!!!

2005-01-31T13:16:00.000+08:00

When everything feels so fine...

2005-01-29T12:17:00.000+08:00

I just don't know how to feel when everything's so plain and fine and normal.
People around me just lost their smiles!
How I wish I can make a difference!
Am I really boring or the moment is just freakin plain?
I want to move to places, I want excitement!
I want the old spice!!!
I want to be happy, because I feel that I'm melting away!!!
I'm feeling pathetic!
Hmmmnnn...
Valentine's day is near!
I'm still single, not looking, but waiting...
I want to burn my life, oh no!, not burn, burn, but heat up! like that!
Whatever!
I won't stay this way! I won't allow it!!!
I want to have fun!!!

Enjoy the good days!

2005-01-27T13:17:00.001+08:00

Well, I somehow agree with you Fritzie. Love can be addictive guys, but if you get so stupid and one day, catch yourself hurting and abusing yourself, WAKE UP!!!!

Love is no fairytale!

Love will never be!

Sorry for that suuuupppeeerrr negative point of view... but, hey at least you've loved,(is it really love?) than not love at all! Does it make sense to you?

According to the Korean film I've watched 2 weeks ago, which is "Lovers and friends", one character said, from the movie she have watched which is "Il Postino", an Italian film: "I know that if I love, I will get hurt, but if that is how loving is, I will not be afraid to love over and over again even if I get hurt over and over again!" (that's not the exact words my friends, I can't remember it perfectly!) how touching ei?. In the long process, you and only you will be the only one staying for you! Got my point? Don't expect, don't hope, don't dream... the "ideal person", according to our Philosophy class, is like the horizon, the more you come closer, the farther it gets! Let your destiny be fulfilled. Don't hurry up things! Let it flow gracefully! Now, make your choice, push or stay?

Enjoy the good days!

2005-01-27T13:17:00.000+08:00

Concentrate with me

2005-01-24T13:41:00.000+08:00

I really need to focus with me before I find myself crying because of failure! Focus, focus, focus! Concentration is most needed today! I need to think straight, clear my mind and be productive and competitive.

I'm not that okay

2005-01-22T11:33:00.000+08:00

But i'm fine....
I am smiling and lauhging hard and feeling super energetic again!
Damn, i'm talking shit now...
sorry...
Okay! okay! I'm okay!...
:)

Huwag na huwag mong sasabihin

2005-01-21T10:04:00.000+08:00

I want to make a closure to my pathetic involvement with Fem. But first, I'll recall everything that happened. So hold on, relax, and enjoy the circus!

I never thought that I would fall in love with him. He's my classmate and we're not close with each other period. Well, can I change the word I used earlier?, or rephrase it? Because I had this realization thing done! I didn't fall in love with Fem, I was just swallowed by the whole idea of him, I am or I was just captured by his presence. How he carries himself with that naïve personality. There was nothing going on between the two of us before, everything was so pure and simple and casual, but I somehow thought that he might be gay cause he's good at acting gay-ish, that's according to him, and that we could be together and fairy tale stuff like that. I was downed, okay!? I let my self fall with a boobie trap, I, myself did!
After some months, I've just solved the puzzle! I have build up a stupid insatiable craving or could it really be love for Fem!
Then, I can't stop talking about him, can't even pause for a while and not glance at him in class or even out of our room! Following his trail like a sniffing dog searching out for illegal drugs! He got me crazy in love!?
I've told those people that are very close to me that I want to approach Fem and eventually tell him all about my special feeling for him! And they all said: "NO! you dummy!". So I just kept it inside…but not for long! The volcano will erupt very soon!
Our class had a Christmas swimming party. Everything was going fine during the swimming. We were enjoying the day! Me and my two girlfriends Fritzie and Madel jumped into the pool to cool down! And sung some melodies with that magic mic karaoke thingie! As the day turned to night, I've realized that I was to be alone the whole party! Madel was just allowed to stay up 'til 9p.m. and Fritzie was suffering with her usual migrane drama! The two left together, leaving me behind! And so, I was set to be alone… and luckily some of my close classmates were there to catch me! And there were also those whom I was not that close enough with and got a chance to know them much better…eventually we became a lil’ closer with each other.
Then, the night deepens. I was left in the resort, roaming like a stray dog looking for his lost bone! And like some dogs, found a pack to jam with! We found a half-filled bottle of gin! Tonyo, Fem, Neil anne and I decided to have some sip or just call it some shot. Fem and I were still okay during the actuation of these following coarse of events. Out of nowhere the guy beside our cottage approached us and gave us some alcoholic beverages. Praise the Lord! He handed us an almost empty bottle of Jose Cuervo (tequila) and Fundador (brandy)! We drink and drink 'til the last "left-over" drop! I was then starting to feel tipsy, or am I really? All I know is that the things that I cannot do when I’m the usual me, is what I'm doing (acting?)! And maybe now you have a clue what’s next in this great disaster story of mine! I am dying to open up to Fem! And yes!, it happened! Curse that night! I followed Fem in a somehow dark and empty nipa hut! And I started chatting with him, we were alone inside that hut, and before you know it I was telling him that I love him! What the fuck?!!!? @#$% &*^! He was SHOCKED! I can sense it! But he handled it cool though he kinda insist that I'm so wasted and tries to change the topic, he can't stand all of my out pouring blah-blahs! He said that "it's wrong to be gay", "you should to love another person! Why don't you try courting either of your girlfriends? (Madel or Fritzie)", "try to be straight!" And lastly, the most mind twisting of all, "you should try to play basketball!" that's it? I told you that I love you and you'll give me those crappy shit? But what should I expect? He's straight! Whatever! Honestly, I'm a bit pissed, okay! I was really pissed! Damn! It took a lot of courage for me to tell him all that and he'll be that moral pig and just advice me to turn straight? Yeah right bitch! But still I was head-over-heels towards Fem!
Then, our Christmas break started with the ending of that fucked up yet fun pool party. And sadly, during the vacation, that incident at the party still circles around my head like vultures flying above a carcass in a dessert! And my shoulda, woulda, couldas also went in my system. I've shared the story to quite many people. Including my brother/bestfriend, college and high school friends. Some got angry, some sympathized, and some were just fucking laughing bout it! It was fine with me that time.
Then it was school time again, t'was the first week of classes of the new year when I received a harsh truth that completely changed the coarse of events! From our class president to my girlfriend Madel, I found out that Fem told some of our classmates about the incident. The holiday horror bonanza! Boy, I can picture his fucking face full of smile and all jiggly and wiggly bout it! Now, I have to face my consequence…because I'm responsible for all of the ugly things happening around me! No one else to blame but me and me alone! (edited version of a file entitled “Words about Fem” created on Wednesday, January 05, 2005 12:45:47 PM)

Try to patch everything up to get the clear view of the drama. Now, everything between us is destroyed! I'll forgive him once I have forgiven myself. And speaking of forgiveness… okay, I forgive him… though he's not aware of everything! I can’t be angry forever! Besides I can’t afford to look grumpy everyday! I'll just tire myself out!, right? Such a good lesson ei?! Well, help me close this chapter of my trying-to-be-exciting book… let's count one to three… 1,2,3! W.t.f.? whatever!

Movies

2005-01-17T17:35:00.000+08:00

I've watched this movie last night with my younger brother...Well, I got carried away again...It was so sincere! I caught myself crying, but tearless! weird?! I know! The title was "Yeonae sosheol" or "Friends and lovers" (in English: Philippines), t'was a Korean film, but translated in Filipino! It was showed in our local TV network, Cinema One, equivalent to HBO. I can't find its synopsis on the net! Oh! wait... here! I can see it now!

here it goes...

...If love could be like this... A young man between two women whose life is pressured by a serious illness that they manage to hide. When the man writes a love letter to one of them, their feelings for each other lead to unexpected turns. As a model to sublime the refusal by a friend this movie reveals not only the power of love letters but also the chance to really become one with a beloved person.

it's very brief tho...

I was captured by the whole idea of their friendship! and falling in love with the right person and your number one enemy is your destiny! I was saddened! My God! Up until now! I wish my life would be movie-like, dramatic but has a great ending!!! Movies are such a nice relief to a mushy heart (romantic flicks). Hay...

I'm Mr. Brightside

2005-01-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go

And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's phoning a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now
He takes off her dress now
Let me go

And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

I never
I never
I never
I never

God's curse

2005-01-13T18:07:00.000+08:00

I know I may be grabby, but you should've been careful with my fragile heart. I'm not made of stone. You should sometimes or always be extra sensitive with the others' feelings. Do you know how my heart feels now? My heart feels like a marshmallow dropped on the floor and stepped on hardly, but slowly squished 'til flat! Oh no!… 'til dust! Why? If you know my issue about him, you'll quickly pick up what I'm shouting about here. For you to tell what happened about your classmate who surprisingly told you that he's gay and that he has special feelings for you to people he doesn’t wish to know his identity because he's a bit scared of rejection. How insensitive and selfish is that? And even act innocent as if nothing happened? Wow! And roam around with that halo on your head praising Jesus to the highest? Oh come on! I'm saddened by me caring bout him. Because the more I care, the more I get hurt. The more I move closer, the more I get pushed farther. Man, stop caring, stop moving closer! You’re not dumb, are you? Get away! While you still have that enough respect for yourself.

Earlier, in a internet shop, sharing only one computer, Madel and I crossed paths with Fem in cyberspace. I got a lil' excited! Using her Y!M account, Madel started greeting him with her hi's and hello's. We didn't tell him that I was there. Then, obnoxious words wandered in my head: "Juno is so mad at you!". I typed it in. Madel, with her idea of fun, pressed enter! So, Fem received the message. He asked "why?" of coarse. I was laughing! After a few minutes, I was all blue and sad. The fact that he didn't even care to show any tiny piece of insincere concern about me. Not only that I was reading his success story of courtship shit stuff, but how he called her girl "G.G."! What's "G.G."? F*@#!ng God’s gift! (Sorry God). And who does he think I am, God’s curse? Damn! Don't go all religious on me Fem! You’re such a pig! I'll let him be… I’ll just let him be. This issue is over rated! It's enough! I'm so wrecked! This will be the last. No more friend , no more me in his life! He'll be ancient history! Goodbye!

Moving on...

Your ever loving,
God's Curse

I should forgive the bitch!

2005-01-10T17:11:00.000+08:00

Okay, listen.
I "loved" someone.
I built a whole fantasy carnivale island in my head and he was the lead character.
Months after, I just caught my self head-over-heels more than ever with him!
Then, I just erupted!
I ejaculated the whole cumm of my imagination!...
Out of the influence of alcohol, I've told the bitch everything!...that I "love him" and that I'm so "dead" over him!
He replied; (in English, originally in Filipino) "I'm not gay, it's wrong to be gay!", "You should court your bestgirlfriend, Madel or Fritzie" and "try playing basketball".
Man, I felt normal/shitty/stupid after hearing him!

Then my girlfriend Madel told me that Fem spilled the beans!
That bastard!
I felt helpless.
I felt so fucked up.

I should be intelligent enough to accept the consequences of my actions, even if it will hurt me!

Now, I'm letting him enjoy everything...

I won't expect KARMA to make it's round! I shouldn't!

I'll let him go...

Because it's all my fault!

And for whatever it is...

I should forgive the bitch.

I can't react anymore!

2005-01-07T17:07:00.000+08:00

After all that I've done, I think I shouldn't react anymore. because it's my...FAULT!!! It's all MY FUCKIN FAULT!!!

Ladies and gentleman...Welcome to Santa Cruz!

2005-01-06T19:41:00.000+08:00

Name: Arnelio V. Lamar II
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Status: Single
Occupation: College Freshman
School: De La Salle University-D
Location: Philippines
Hometown: Santa Cruz
Height: 178cm
Weight: 76kg
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Dark brown
Hobbies and Interests:
annoying others, bathing, biking, cleaning, crying, dancing, eating, fixing anything, gardening, listening to music, playing, staring, star gazing, sleeping, surfing the net, singing, reading, reading minds, spending quality moments with me, myself and I, telling jokes, thinking, walking alone, wathing TV and movies. etc.
Favorite TV show: Sex and the city
Favorite movie: Y Tu Mama Tambien
Favorite food: anything tasty and tangible...oh! spicy foods are the best!
Favorite topic: Sex, Life, Love, People, Passion in life